Dealing with racist parents

[RacistAngst]

Away, spending time with my parents.

In the last couple of years, they’ve become more and more racist (or at least more vocal about it).
I usually let it slide but today, for whatever reason, it stung and I took it personally.
Now we have an atmosphere where no one is talking to anyone and I’m due to leave tomorrow morning :(

The background is that I an ‘immigrant in the U.K. (well an EU citizen who has lived in the U.K. for more than 20 years). I’m married to a Brit and I have two dcs who have dual citizenship.
Unfortunately both myself and the dcs have experienced xenophobia, which my parents know. But they don’t seem to see how what they say about non white people/foreigners actually validate my family experience of xenophobia…..

I’m not sure how to take it forward (apart from never ever talk about anything remotely linked with race etc….)

Slightly different, when my mum was very elderly, she was openly racist in general conversation, because she was from another era when such things were tolerated. I blocked it when visiting her in her home, changing the subject and moving the conversion away immediately.

But when she did it in a shoe shop, I couldn't bear it any more and called her out. It didn't change her views, but she knew she'd be getting home under her own steam if she ever did it again in public.

It's very difficult with older family members. She was my mum but that didn't mean I had to tolerate every aspect of her.

In-laws live in a Daily Heil-reading bubble.

You can pretty much predict what the subject matter for that day's xenophobic tirade is going to be about depending on who exactly the Mail is on its high-horse about that morning.

Unsurprisingly the last week has been a litany of ill-informed guff about the UK being 'flooded' with Afghans, an inevitable rise in Islamic extremist terrorism, the fact that the UK 'can't afford' this and that it's 'full' and there's 'nowhere to put them', oh, and an absolute classic about the fact that a condition of them coming here should be that they learn how to drive HGV's. I got no answer when I asked if that included the 3 year old children.

You can change people's ideas if they are open to education, but if they insist on getting their entire world view from right-wing shitrags with an agenda, there's not much you can do.

I am an immigrant myself and wanted to tell you that even thought sometimes I experience racism in London. The U.K. is much more tolerant than many other places. May be the country where you come from is less tolerant. Difficult one for you if you hear this from your parents.

There is also confusion for about what racism is? It is ok to question where funds for things are coming from? Housing, NHS, pollution, traffic, pensions , schools. We live in a democracy and we all pay taxes so that we all benefit. People who lives here have the right to ask these questions being judge a racist. This is counterproductive.

There is also confusion for about what racism is? It is ok to question where funds for things are coming from? Housing, NHS, pollution, traffic, pensions , schools. We live in a democracy and we all pay taxes so that we all benefit. People who lives here have the right to ask these questions being judge a racist. This is counterproductive

I completely agree with you that people have every right to ask, but I repeatedly get the feeling that what drives the need to ask in the first place is some misplaced belief that they, personally, are going to foot the bill for whatever that day's rant is about.

It stands to reason that people who are economically active generate wealth, and that part of the covenant we have with government is that a portion of that wealth will be spent on public services for our use. So, more people earning = more tax = more money to spend on services.

If the services are not put in place, that's obviously a failing of government, yet its inevitably the immigrants who are blamed for it, despite being net contributors to the tax/spend equation.

I agree @Petardos. I have no issue discussing that sort of subject.

However, we were at the point that they were telling me that black people, Eg from the Guadeloupe are an issue because they don’t have the same culture, aren’t integrated etc…
These are descendants of slaves brought in the 1800, the Guadeloupe is a French department so hard to say they aren’t French really.
On the other side, in the family, we have ‘immigrants’ that also came in france around that time. But they are white…. So it’s different….

It’s the issue of ‘but not you’ syndrome.

So it’s ok to put down people speaking Arabic at home and say that they aren’t integrated in the country/it’s disgraceful/that’s why children are struggling in classetc… But when I was told something similar by a teacher about dc2 (if dc2 was struggling it’s because I chose to speak French with him), then It’s unacceptable…

I completely agree with you that people have every right to ask, but I repeatedly get the feeling that what drives the need to ask in the first place is some misplaced belief that they, personally, are going to foot the bill for whatever that day's rant is about.

In many cases it is not about footing the bill but knowing about how economics work and protecting the middle classes. Nothing to do with racism. I think is more to do with fair questions about how sustainable this is.

@RacistAngst that teacher is wrong. I was always advised to speak to my DD in my native language at home. She is now fluent in two languages.

I hope things get better with your parents.

I know! I moved the dcs to another school after that (very small school and impossible to avoid said teacher). Happy to say the dcs are now bilingual :)