Anyonecelses parents praise OTHER kids but ultra critical of you?

[malificent7]

My dad always discouraged me from doing art even though I loved it. My step sister is an artist snd he always drives her to art events/ work stuff/ presentations. She is far more talented than me and my dad bangs on about how talented she is. Stings a bit as he never admired my stuff much. He was always like this when I was younger though...so and so did a good essay etc and was suoer intelligent.
I got 99% in one of my exams but apparently it was because it was too easy according to my dad.
I kind of roll my eyes and laugh but deep down it stings.

Sorry for typos

Anyone?

Yeah. My parents did. With dancing and dance exams mainly

Vowed to never do that with my own kids, it was quite damaging!

Also my brother. He was the favourite. 9 years between us and when he was born ALL focus shifted and stayed there. Not so much my dad, but definitely my mum

Actually. Even now my dad says, 'remember so and so who you went to school with? Lively girl, lovely, an amazing dancer and such a pretty girl'

All I hear is she was much better than you and I wish she was my daughter instead of you!

You sound like you are his scapegoat with your step sister being the golden child (itself a role not without price either but she is unaware of that).

I would seriously consider reducing the actual amount of time you spend with him going forward; he could well start on any DC you have in a similar manner (children of scapegoats often get scapegoated too).

Yes i feel that dd has been scapegoated by his dp and her dd a vit...yuck!

My mum was like this. My friends raved about her, she was also a childminder and treated the kids she minded like royalty. She never took any interest in me. Stung a lot. She thinks the sun shines out of my DD's backside too (not that I begrudge this haha I think it's fairly typical grandparent behaviour) but I do sometimes wonder why I wasn't good enough. I won loads of awards at school, graduated top of my class at college. No interest.

My PIL definitely did this to my dds while they were growing up. They'd absolutely rave about random children of people at their church who we'd never met. FIL in particular became ridiculous, even getting 'tearful' describing how wonderful these children were! Dds own efforts at anything were met with very little enthusiasm...unless there was a photo to display & show off to their cronies.
Dds were also found lacking compared to a cousin as well. I taught them to ignore it & they've grown up into fantastic young women who hopefully won't need validation from others (even though it is nice sometimes!)

It's very odd behaviour thpugh isn't it? I mean don't most parents want to take pride in their own kids and if not why not? Why the adulation of random others?
Step dsis is an adult and dad has only known her since she was an adult. ( age 35 ) so its not like she grew up with him.

Yes, mine did this. I am in my 40s now and the other day they asked me to remind them of a name of one of my school friends who was one of the people who they thought was amazeballs. She was horrible to me but I had already been programmed to be so grateful for friendship as I was never good enough for them I didn't see it then. I still struggle to see it now. I think I have been guilty of doing this with my own kids until they pulled me up on it and I have also had a lot of therapy. It is a horrible way to treat a human. I think also putting your kids on an unrealistic pedestal above everyone else can also probably have damaging affects too.

Any insight as to why thoigh? I am truly baffled!

Yes. My mum used to force me to invite a girl I wasn't friends with to my birthday parties aged 6-8. The reason? She had 'such beautiful blonde hair'. I had nothing against the girl but the silly reason my mum gave for inviting her definitely stuck with me. Also, throughout my life, she's always (in conversation) sided with people I've had a disagreement with - or if she can't do that without sounding ridiculous, she'll instead blame me for creating the circumstances that led to the problem.

For me, these are signs that point to a narcissistic mother.

I remember DM banging on about various children of her close friends when I was younger. Always achieving x, y and z and even now she does it with their grandchildren!! So and so's daughter has got into medical school, so and so's daughter is representing her county blah blah blah! She seldom asks what my DC are doing so I guess her own grandchildren aren't making the grade. Although come to think of it that's not quite true because my DSis's children are "so talented, brightest in the school etc, good at all sports". TBH I couldn't even be bothered to tell her that my two each received an end of year award (the only one they've ever got and obviously no ceremony as covid). Not long ago my eldest did ask why everything is about her cousin. Didn't really know what to say if I'm honest

Used to bother me and begrudgingly admit that it still does. But am puzzled as you OP as to where all this comes from.

Narcissists (narcissistic personality disorder) and similar often pick a scapegoat and a golden child. The goal is to damage the self esteem of the scapegoat.

Any insight into why people are arseholes to their own children? Erm, the best I can come up with is because they can be. Anything can happen behind closed doors, people, in my opinion, project some of their worst psychological pain onto their children, some consciously and some unconsciously. Unless someone wants to take a look at what they are inflicting and ask why they feel the need to place their children in such bizarre, twisted roles they will carry on doing it regardless.

Yes I was always chopped liver. I have no idea why and have given up communicating with them now.
I feel I've done very well in life.

I'm my parents least favourite child. And I'm their only child.

I also agree with the PP who's mum always takes any randomn person's side against them. My mum whines that she's just "playing devil's advocate", I tell her she's playing devil's arsehole.. then she pouts.

Dad's already out, haven't seen the twat for years. She's on very thin ice.

My DH’a parents were like this. Very damaging. I can’t even imagine doing this to ours.

My mum had a way of telling me something in a pointed tone, complete with a significant look.

“Hazel’s daughter spends THREE HOURS a night on her homework,”

I’d rise to it as a teenager and start squawking in my defence and then of course she’d deny she said anything ‘I was only telling you!’

Ha!

@coffeeisthebest

Any insight into why people are arseholes to their own children? Erm, the best I can come up with is because they can be. Anything can happen behind closed doors, people, in my opinion, project some of their worst psychological pain onto their children, some consciously and some unconsciously. Unless someone wants to take a look at what they are inflicting and ask why they feel the need to place their children in such bizarre, twisted roles they will carry on doing it regardless.

It's to keep you in your place and to stop you getting too big for your boots.

My mum did this to me until I was around 16. All it did was cause conflict in our relationship. When she stopped I asked her why and she said something like that as it was a "parenting style". However she had discussed with a few people as by then she had her first couple of grandchildren and been told not to do it to them. So weirdly I was praised for getting good GCSEs but everything that led up to it over the years I was put down e.g. my paintings as an 8 year old were shit, I came highest in the year in x subjects because the questions were easy. It was too late by then and our relationship never recovered by the the time she died. My self esteem like my siblings only recovered when away from her. (Some of my siblings opted to live with my dad rather than her and one went NC with her.) I thought she was joking about it being a parenting style but over the years I've heard people mention it again and again.

My mother came back from meeting her friends for coffee. She said "X is always talking about how great her children Y and Z are! I never mention you!!"
I was a quiet, polite, hardworking gradeA student. I thought "What do I have to do to get her to mention me!" That hurt at the time. Now I just think she's not a great parent!

It's very odd. I had a real flair for art but it wasnt encouraged. He was very complimentary about my friend's art. Mental.