Partner changing mind over having baby daily

[Tpanda1]

Hi,
My partner and I (both 34) are getting married but due to Corona it is not until 2023. We always said we wanted to start trying for kids before I was 35 and had recently decided we would start trying in the next month. However my partner keep flitting back and forth with his comment about having kids now and it's starting to upset me. One day he will talk about things we will do once we have kids and then the next we can't afford them and he can't do anything fun when they arrive. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't that fact that I am already 34 and have started doing more exercise and cutting caffine and alcohol to help our chances and have stopped taking my pill as agreed. I don't want to force him in trying for a baby, I want us to both be excited about it. I am even considering delaying trying till after the weddibg if it means he will be on board then but am worried it will make it even harder to conceive. Has anyone else had partners who keep changing their mind each day?

He’s not changing his mind, he just hasn’t made his mind up yet.
Why do you have to wait 2 years to get married? If you want the security of marriage before having kids get married sooner.
I’d sit him down and ask ‘are you ready to become a parent now, or do you need more time to be sure?’ And wait for his reply. It may be that he does want kids but is anxious about the impact in your lives - which is very normal for most first time parents.

Both my fiancé and I! We’ve discussed it loads of times and keep coming up with different answers - we are older than you, mind, and do already have kids, just not together.

Think we are veering towards NOT TTC tho, because if it’s not a definite positive from us both…..

My DD’s father actually agreed to TTC (but in retrospect not very enthusiastically) then massively changed his mind once I fell pregnant. My pregnancy was not fun! (Mind you he’s a good father now, albeit a cheating prick, so we are no longer together).

What I am trying to say is, hard as it is, I would not TTC with a man who isn’t absolutely, enthusiastically sure. Having said that, that does pose you with a problem - is a desire for kids more important to you than this relationship? Totally valid if it is…..

Sorry you are going through this. X

Thans for the replies guys :).
We are getting married in a couple of years due to alot of places being booked up dealing with the back log from covid cancellations. I am not bothered about having a baby without being married neither is my partner so that's not a worry at least.
I agree that I don't want to even try without him being happy and enthusiastic about it. Think it would be quite miserable and a lonely thing to go through otherwise. I believe his main issue is with money and panicking about the cost of a baby which I hear is a lot of guys have issue with. I guess I will just have to be patient with him and remind him that everyone gets scared about having a baby...I am ha ha.

Sit down and go through the finances. Sometimes, it’s the fear of unknown issues that stop us making decisions. Start making financial plans now for when you’ll be on Mat leave / childcare costs etc.

Having a baby daily will be too much for you too. It might sound fun now but wait until you’ve had the first 30.

You can of course be patient but I would add in your conversation tonight that you do realise I will feel far too betrayed to marry you if we don’t have children because you change your mind about wanting them or can’t make up your mind until it’s too late biologically for me. I couldn’t continue believing you love me in those circumstances.