How do you cope…

[Onedayatatime45]

When you feel you have to end something with no choice?!
I’ve v recently come out of a LT relationship. We were both mid 40’s. I haven’t really been honest to myself accepting his behaviour at times so as much as it has to happen it’s one of the hardest things. Cliche I know but I really thought he was the one after years of failures.
I feel so utterly lost. I have friends, a good job, 2 grown up children, a nice house etc..he was the icing on the cake.
How do you move on from a majority happy relationship with someone you love but can’t progress with? All the places you’ve been, the memories, the little quirks you have between you? I can’t imagine doing stuff like that with anyone else. I know we all say that but this guy was different?
It really hurts knowing he didn’t want this either and would happily carry on if I let it.. How do you never compare anyone to them/generally get past it? I feel like I’m just running out of time and energy and everyone here on will be a letdown now
I know everyone will say take time for myself but I will still feel and want the same a long time down the line…

Sorry you’re feeling so down. What were the differences between what you wanted to progress and what he wanted?

What is it that you want that you couldn’t have with him??

@LastGirlSanding thanks
We can’t agree on living together. Currently weekends only and nothing will/can change..I don’t want that after all this time

I’m really struggling today. I can’t get out of my head all the things we did. The places I eve been, the things we’d be doing this weekend. I feel so so alone and hurt that there’s no fight in him. Makes me feel like I never meant anything.

Bump for you.

I’m sorry you’re struggling. It’s so hard when you wanted things to progress but he didn’t. I think it’s natural to be grieving all the lovely times you had with him. But ultimately he chose to let it go rather than move forward with you. And that hurts but it will get better in time. Sorry not to have better words for you this evening, hopefully more people will have good advice for you. In the meantime a hug for you.

@LastGirlSanding thank you.
Yes I guess that’s how I need to think.
As much as I know he loves me, didn’t want me to end things etc he isn’t doing anything to change things is he?!
It’s just sickening to think of starting again.
I didn’t think I’d be in this position again and it’s heartbreaking

Sadly a lot of the boxes check out. However that important one which feels a lot like the next step and commitment just can't be compromised on. It's a little like if you are happy together and then one day find out they never want kids and you do.

It hurts because you get on so well and it feels like you can make it work. Sadly that little voice of logic has overwhelmed you and probably done the right thing. Life is short and it's something many of us do spend too much time with the wrong person.

I myself spent 2 years with someone who I got on so well with. However because of his parents background he could never tell his parents about me. Being a big family he attended many events I could never go to. I told myself it would work out but one day woke up to the reality that It would not.

I appreciate you're in a difficult place but you ended it for a reason and you need to be strong because sometime in the future you won't care or even look back. Just need to distract yourself and do the things that make you happy.

@Rocktheboat87 thank you.
I almost used the child example. Moving forward with him to me was a natural progression. I can’t say what his reasons are as one it’s outing and 2 people would think I was mad even getting upset over someone’s lack of priority.
It’s getting used to the time on my own when I’m not busy. He was a huge part of my life, no issues like ex’s, kids, families etc, just easy. It takes me a while to feel settled and I finally felt settled. But no progression means no future and like I said his reasons made me realise how selfish he is being. I’d have done almost anything for him.

I’m sorry you went through the same, it’s so so hard.

No problem. Luckily I'm happily in a 4 year relationship and we plan to marry next year. You can definately have this to. Just need to regroup and allow the feelings to dissapear naturally over time.

All the best. Stray strong

I can only emphasise as I am going through exactly the same thing. Makes you feel low and miserable and afraid of the future.

@Lolabray sorry to hear you’re experiencing the same. It’s a really tough time and yes I’m scared about the future too.Feel free to pm me if you want to chat

I've been in the same position and it's heartbreaking, but even more do when you let it drift on. Life is short and the more time you spend with Mr Wrong the less time there is for Mr Right

@nuro yes it is heartbreaking. More so when you feel you meant nothing after such a long time. It’s ridiculous the reasons behind it but he’s entitled to his decisions as much as me.
I just miss him.
How far along are you from your split?

[quote Onedayatatime45]@nuro yes it is heartbreaking. More so when you feel you meant nothing after such a long time. It’s ridiculous the reasons behind it but he’s entitled to his decisions as much as me.
I just miss him.
How far along are you from your split?[/quote]
Over 3 years and was much happier after we spilt (it was getting very destructive) however I seem to have got myself in a similar position in the last few months with a guy I'm currently seeing but we are at least taking about our situation which I wasn't able to do with my old ex

@nuro I hope you can resolve things. Yes talking helps!