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Original poster

Been dating for 2 months Birthday Present

27 replies

LanguageAsAFlower · 25/08/2021 07:37

What's the etiquette for early relationship presents? Dating fairly casually for 2 months but definitely an exclusive relationship etc.
I know his hobbies but I don't know them well enough to know what a good present is and I want to make sure the present is appropriate for where we are. So he's a man, late 30s. Likes some niche books, works in education, bit geeky.

OP posts:
notwhyicamehere · 25/08/2021 07:54

I Don't have the answer I'm afraid but it does leave you the position of setting the expectations of birthdays in the future if it does go well.
If you buy something jokey/ small he may take this to mean that's what's acceptable and will treat your birthday the same.
Could you book a table at an extra nice place, or get some good food and wine in- showing that birthdays are all about having something a bit special (whilst being able to enjoy it yourself?)

category12 · 25/08/2021 07:54

Bottle of something if you're seeing him on the day. Birthday text/ecard if you're not?

gogohm · 25/08/2021 07:56

I bought a bottle of rum and water bottle (with his hobby on), not too extravagant

Shoxfordian · 25/08/2021 08:33

I bought my husband a book when we’d been dating a couple of months, and a card. Nothing too much but something to say happy birthday

WatieKatie · 25/08/2021 11:46

I’d treat him to a nice meal out and a card.

Years ago I dated a chap for a similar amount of time when he had a birthday. I bought him a DVD of a film he’d seen recently and raved about, so the £10 mark. He was really cross that I’d bought him something and sent me an angry email. I was quite hurt and that ended things for me. Interestingly he wasn’t upset enough to give the DVD back so I could get a refund! Unfortunately it has made me very wary of men and birthdays.

FizzyPink · 25/08/2021 11:48

I would do a meal out that you pay for, maybe somewhere a bit special depending on how much you have available to spend. Or I think a scratch card in a card always goes down well.

seensome · 25/08/2021 11:57

Don't spend too much, a book, day out surprise, alcohol or meal, I'm really generous when I'm with someone, the last guy I dated for only a month, I regretted buying him expensive aftershave and bits and bobs only for him to start treating me really badly.

Sattherelikealemon · 25/08/2021 12:23

If you do go for a present, maybe something 'disposable' rather than 'keepable' as I see it, so something to read, use, drink or eat rather than to keep in the house or use long term as you won't be 100% sure of his taste or needs this early.

WatieKatie that's bloody weird and ungrateful! It would suggest to me there was maybe someone else who would ask questions if they saw it.

nuro · 25/08/2021 12:30

Similar situation to me, we went for a day out and I paid for a nice meal out and bought him a cake I can't remember if I bought him a present as well.

By the time my birthday (one month later) came round I was dumped! Grin (although he did send me some flowers and chocolates).

But I would do it again. I like to be generous with people and give them the benefit of the doubt.

SallyMcNally · 25/08/2021 13:48

My DP had a birthday at a similar point and he didn't tell me as he thought it would be awkward for me.

I'd probably go with a nice but not ott meal out, a card and a maybe book or a bottle of something if you think it's got legs.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 25/08/2021 13:56

Yeah I probably would just get a card at this stage, maybe a bottle of something. I think at around 8 weeks in there's no need to go above that, it's just a token at this stage.
I'd look at it from my perspective, what would I expect. A card, maybe a box of chocs but nothing more than that.

Babyghirl · 25/08/2021 14:01

I bought mine a PlayStation 4 after 2 months together the thing popped its clogs last week so after 6 years together he will get the PlayStation 5 for Christmas if I can get my hands on one that is 😂😂😂😂😂

Rainbowqueeen · 25/08/2021 14:03

I’d get something thoughtful but inexpensive and take him out for a meal

So something that he has told you he likes eg book about a hobby, nice coffee if he likes that, craft beer if that’s something he’s into or other alcohol or food item you know he likes.

aboutbloodytime123 · 25/08/2021 15:14

I met my DP a couple of weeks before my 40th. I wasn't expecting anything at all! On the day he gave me a card, a bunch of flowers and a box of chocs and I was really touched. He'll be happy with something small/generic that shows you care - or at least, he should be!

dreamingbohemian · 25/08/2021 15:23

I would cook him a really nice meal and get something small, like a book

Original poster
LanguageAsAFlower · 25/08/2021 20:02

Thanks everyone I think I've got a few ideas now. I don't think I will be able to see him on the day, but I think a book and a card will be good. I might have a sneaky nose at his bookshelves next time I'm at his to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
LanguageAsAFlower · 25/08/2021 20:03

Also @WatieKatie that is weird. At least you found out then! Lucky escape.

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girlmom21 · 25/08/2021 20:04

@WatieKatie

I’d treat him to a nice meal out and a card.

Years ago I dated a chap for a similar amount of time when he had a birthday. I bought him a DVD of a film he’d seen recently and raved about, so the £10 mark. He was really cross that I’d bought him something and sent me an angry email. I was quite hurt and that ended things for me. Interestingly he wasn’t upset enough to give the DVD back so I could get a refund! Unfortunately it has made me very wary of men and birthdays.

I can't believe he sent an email Grin
Guineapigbridge · 25/08/2021 20:07

Book recommendation, quirky and secondhand and VERY good. If someone bought it for me I'd be so impressed:
Amusing Ourselves to Death

Original poster
LanguageAsAFlower · 26/08/2021 07:01

Oh that looks great @Guineapigbridge on my list for me to read now too.

OP posts:
Anonapuss · 26/08/2021 07:09

Tickets to a couple of things you can do together, so essentially half the spend is on yourself, he cant keep 'it' and it shows youre keen to do things together...

DarlingFell · 26/08/2021 07:16

Book and a card. A book is a thoughtful gift but not too OTT for such early days…

paintedpanda · 26/08/2021 07:40

My DP and I had been talking for 2 weeks and met in person 4 days before my birthday. He turned up with a card and when I opened it on my birthday there was a voucher for Waterstones inside. He knew I loved to read but couldn't get it out of me which book I wanted next.

SarahBellam · 26/08/2021 08:50

A nice meal at the local Italian and a case of beer. To be honest, 6 years on and my DP would still be delighted with that!

Original poster
LanguageAsAFlower · 17/09/2021 19:26

I got him a Terry Pratchett jigsaw and the first book in the Rivers of London series which I had been recommending to him. He loved them and they were his only presents so that I was glad I got something half decent!

OP posts:
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