Just More Gaslighting Right?

[wayfarer46]

I am in the process of divorcing H for EA and DV. Today we were driving somewhere with DC and someone cut him off, he responded by saying, "Fucking Beaner, stupid ass Mexican." (I am half Mexican) A few minutes later he asked if I was upset about something and I said him using racist language and racial slurs had upset me. He then said that I was just looking for something to be upset about and he had said that because that guy was a "bad Mexican" and it had nothing to do with me and I just wanted something to be angry with him about.

Now logically I know that he is completely wrong, but he makes me doubt myself so much, I just need the input of people who haven't been emotionally abused and gaslit by this man for the last 15 years.

You’re divorcing him for a reason. That nasty language would be enough for me. Why do you want to spend your life listening to that! Carry on with the divorce and stop driving around with him

Of course it's racist.

If you're angry with someone for whatever reason, it's still racist to use their ethnicity as a slur.

Road raging is a red flag behaviour anyway.

And it's particularly vile when the person sitting next to him is of that ethnicity.

You're not wrong. He is gaslighting you.

Stop being there for him to abuse. You know he's being abusive, and you're apparently divorcing him, so why were you even in the same car with him ?

He can only continue to abuse you and mess with your head if he has access to you, so to stop this, you need to be unavailable.

The only conversations you need to have (or your solicitors need to have) are concerning child access and the divorce. Period.

Plus doing it in front of his children, who are also of that ethnicity.

Horrible man.

I agree with the above comments
Why do you need to be spending any time with him at all? He’s racist and he’s not a good person to be around

How did he know the man was Mexican? Was he wearing a Mexican hat??? He could have been one of a dozen ethnicities (including British) but he chose to insult him using a racial slur that also applies to you.

What's almost worse is that he is using a racist slur in the presence of his children, who also have that ethnicity in their heritage. He sounds horrible op.

Just more gaslighting, you've done nothing wrong. please get more distance between the two of you

@Mumoftwoinprimary

How did he know the man was Mexican? Was he wearing a Mexican hat??? He could have been one of a dozen ethnicities (including British) but he chose to insult him using a racial slur that also applies to you.

Unless OP isn't in the UK and lives somewhere that has a lot of 'Mexicans' US maybe?

And no, I don't mean Mexico

We are in Southern California, so there are lots of Mexican-Americans and Mexicans around. Like my mom.

DC is very light skinned, to the point where people assume I'm his nanny and not his mother fairly often. I think H thinks of DC as being "white" and totally disregards that even though DCs skin is light he is still of Mexican heritage.

Thank you guys. I know he was 100% wrong. It is hard to believe what 15 years of abuse will do to your psyche. Definitely never thought it would happen to me. And never thought it would be so hard to break free.