Is it just me?

[blahblahblah12345678910]

I’m pregnant and a few months ago I found messages on my boyfriends phone to his work colleagues saying things like, ‘rubbish day but at least there’s some fit birds about to perv on’, ‘the bird was really fit’. When I saw them he said it was just bloke chat, but later apologised. I just can’t get it out of my head, it’s not that he found other people attractive as I understand that’s perfectly normal, just the nature of the messages doesn’t sit right with me? Like it makes me feel physically sick, yes I could look at another man and think he is attractive but I wouldn’t describe it like that to one of my friends. Is this just how men are and do I need to get over it? It bothers me that I was pregnant too which obviously is a time where your body is changing, he also has had self esteem issues after a bad relationship and I didn’t nothing but try to build his confidence back up. Just interested to see what other people think, thanks!

Sorry, but my immediate response was 'ugh, get rid' but then I saw you were pregnant. He sounds horrible.

Even though you’re pregnant, get rid
He’s very disrespectful

Is he respectful of women in general, and does he behave in a sleazy way in front of you? If yes to the first, and no to the second then personally, I wouldn’t read that much into text messages he sends to a friend. I recently had my lunch in a local park where a British Military Fitness training class was taking place - there were a lot of very fit looking men throwing shapes and I did send a text to a friend noting as much. My partner wasn’t there with me, and what goes on inside my head isn’t really any of his business.

If the messages are reflective of his other unattractive behaviour in general, then that’s what you need to focus on and consider whether this is the relationship you want.

Not all men do this. I would never ever stay with a man who did this sort of shit. Dont settle for this crap. He sounds like a 16 year old boy

This does not bode well, op. He’s a sexist git.

Yes this is boy talk. If it was sent in private messages to other men then I really don't think you should worry about it. Many men would have similar thoughts if they saw someone they considered attractive, they might not put it in such crude language but the sentiments would be there. Unless you have other worries I suggest you accept his apology and move on.

It depends on how he is with you and how open to talking about these sexist attitudes. If you are normally happy with him and see no other red flags, I would accept his apology and that it is just (sadly) typical blokey chat

Yuck, massively disrespectful. I remember seeing a message my ex sent to his friend about sitting next to a fit woman on a plane journey. I was really hurt and pissed off. He was hugely jealous too and thought many men fancied me and that I was having an affair etc. All unfounded.

‘Fit birds to ‘perv’ on’ ???

Immediate ‘ick’ how could you ever get over reading that ?

🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢