Starting again but on the back foot. Positive stories would be much appreciated!

[ThistlesAndUnicorns]

Mid-30s, uni student, children (from 6 to 16yrs) and finally properly broken up with XP after a year of back and forth .
(8 years together in total)

I know it's too early to start dating. I'm looking towards the future and I'm quite frightened that given my circumstances that no one 'decent' will want me. I have no assets and currently no employment due to studying full time and looking after the children. I was never able to progress in a career as I had the children so worked low paid jobs around both my ex partner's work since I was young. I have no real support network and am only half way through a degree.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say really. I suppose that while I'm fine on my own I don't want to be for ever and I have nothing to offer. I can't even drive (not through lack of effort - it just doesn't click!)

I read so many comments on here stipulating what a person would expect from a partner and I tick every box for 'swipe left'.

I know I did the right thing separating but I know XP will find all this much easier with a good job and childcare that fits round his job (I'm only at uni so my own progression doesn't count!), plenty of spare time in a mostly child-free flat and can drive.

I suppose I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I'm not sure how to stay positive. Feeling quite worthless and that I've let my children down by not being in a secure relationship and private renting in a rubbish house. Every one of all their friends lives with both parents in a bought, lovely home ( a village so I know these are facts).

I'm rambling, apologies. Hope someone can make sense of what I'm trying to say!

Bump

Didn’t want to read and run! There will be more experienced posters along shortly I’m sure. Sounds like you did do the right thing leaving even if it’s left you questioning what comes next. I imagine with a little time you’ll start to see more of the possibilities than the regrets.

I used to be a university academic. The "mature women" in the courses were absolutely awesome. Managing to raise kids and do a degree course is really hard and if you are coping return that in any way you are not worthless, just the opposite. It's a tough time for you but please look at the positives in your life. You are making a determined effort to "better yourself", you've split with a partner who wasn't making your life better. You are providing a fantastic role model for your kids. Don't worry which way people swipe, if you want a relationship I've will turn up from somewhere but don't measure yourself by it
You are great, believe it.

Thank you both x

Don’t base your worth on mumsnet users superficial lists.

I’m a few years older than you, two young kids (1 and 5), also starting again. It’s daunting. You are more than just your home and job though, you will have many personal qualities that could attract a partner. Doing a uni course will be interesting in itself and give you things to talk about and opportunities to meet new people.

Much better to meat people in real life. Hopefully you’ll have some groups you can attend and not all remote learning? I’d prioritise joining any groups with mature students. Not just to meet possible dates but for friends too.
The more you go out and the more people you know the more likely to meet someone. Say yes to everything!

*meet

@Stayingstrongish exactly - op the personal qualities are what counts especially as you get older. Ignore the ticklists on here.

Im 10+ years older than you. Similar situation but not at uni, looking for work (that fits round the kids as much as possible as ex is useless).
In an ideal world, I'd like to meet someone lovely (if any left) but don't feel I have much to offer on paper. Have limited time to offer and enjoy my hobbies but do get very lonely at times. not going online dating as I think it's brutal unless you treat it like a hobby or bit of fun and probably not in the right mindset yet for that.
You haven't let your dc down. You are doing a great job and thinking ahead to better yourself. Keep going!!

Thank you everyone!

Think I'm maybe just going to tell myself I'll concentrate on my studies, try to meet new people then re-evaluate in a year. Perhaps my self esteem is just a bit low at the moment and with things getting back to normal I'll feel more positive.

I've been at home mostly myself since the start of the pandemic and think that's had a massive effect on me mentally.

@Livandme I feel the same about OLD! I did have a quick peek but I know myself I'm not ready and I really don't want to have to deal with working out who is genuine or not! Hope it all works out for you x

You're doing a great job and I'm sure your children think the same. Concentrate on studying and just having normal friendly relationships with fellow students. Just learn what an equal relationship is with like minded people. It will build your confidence and stop the loneliness and isolation. A proper relationship now might derail your plans so I would avoid OLD and similar sites. If the right person comes along, all good, but a partner isn't essential to a fulfilled life.

Don’t why you think no-one ‘decent’ will want you. You sound bright and switched on and on your way to a good job / career, just because you have no assets right now that doesn’t mean you won’t have them in the future.
I’m sure you be fine