Finding closure / ever going towards find out what’s going on?

[thinkingSilver]

I’m in the early stages of divorce & have been married to dh for 15 years. He is petitioning for divorce and he has said that this is better for him, for myself and our children. With how nasty he has been and how much he has moved with his life from me, the situation is really beyond repair.
Although I’m slightly worried that I will be lonely on my own, I do feel that I may be better off because he has so little respect for me.
What I’m having trouble with is that I haven’t moved on and I need to find closure. I think he is in some sort of a relationship or emotional relationship at least with someone else. He won’t tell me anything. He is extremely secretive with his phone and all his devices are locked. None of his bank statements or any personal documents are posted home. It’s been like that for at least 3 years.
Do I have to make peace that I will never know? If I don’t know his password for his phone, is there any way I can find out?
How do I move on from here?

Apologies, the title doesn’t make sense and it seems that I can’t edit it

You will know, when he produces a girlfriend who he moves in with quickly/introduces.

I would try to let it go, your gut is probably right, but he's unlikely to admit it even if it becomes obvious.

I need to know. I know he won’t tell me. But I just feel that after 15 years of mostly happy marriage, the least he can do is have an open hearted conversation and tell me what is really going on in his life.

If anyone is reading this, at what stage do I tell the kids? They are a very mature 11 year old and a rather young 6 year old. This is going to take 8-12 months.
I don’t think he’s going to move out soon (even though I’m sure he definitely has at least an emotional relationship with someone). I get the impression that he won’t move out until a financial agreement and a custody agreement is reached - this is just my guess.
Do I live this lie in front of the children for such a long time?
It’s really hard to hold my pose in front of them. At what stage do I tell them? Especially the eldest.

I'd get a march on with it tbh, take a bit of control.

Has he actually filed for divorce yet?

If not, crack on with it yourself. Unreasonable behaviour.

There's no point running to his timetable. He may faff about at his convenience, while you're living a half-life worrying about the kids, tearing yourself apart over what he's up to. Better to take control.

He has actually filed for divorce.

He said to me in June on two accessions that he wanted to divorce. Initially he said he wanted a ‘no fault’ which only comes into law next year some time and I said that if he wanted a divorce then he needed to file himself because this is his decision, not mine. (Also, if I signed for a no fault divorce then I would nullify other issues the police whom I called because domestic abuse - I would say there were around 10 incidents the last 3 years and not a regular pattern though. Still, I couldn’t sign for a no fault divorce. It would wrong.

He then did nothing for 2 months from June- Aug, keeping me completely in the dark. Then one day in August I got the draft petition from his solicitor. (To which my solicitor relied).

How do I get some control? He is the one keeping me in the dark for as long as possible, doing things to his timeline as convenient for him.

If there's domestic violence, you might be able to have him excluded from your home - is your solicitor aware of this? Occupation order and non-molestation order?