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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Incident makes me feel ill

2 replies

Zig27 · 23/08/2021 10:07

A couple of years ago there was a guy in our circle of friends who would come on nights out. He was more of an acquaintance but I would chat to him. He said I was the only woman he could speak to as he couldn’t speak to other women. I know he was nothing to look at but I am just a friendly person and inclusive so spoke to him.

About 3 years ago my friend told me that this guy was arrested as he had found a hard drive in a bush and decided to look up inappropriate child content using the hard drive. It wasn’t a one off. I felt physically sick when I heard this. I deleted this guy from my phone and Facebook and never ever spoke to him again. The courts decided he was too vulnerable for prison but went onto the offenders register, I don’t know how long for.

What has triggered this memory is a friend asked about him the other day and she never knew and she was horrified when I told her what happened. What bugs me is the friend who told me never had contact with him after the arrest and said he was disgusted with the offence but for some reason kept this criminal on his Facebook for another 2 and a half years until a a few months ago. I can’t understand why he kept him on Facebook as my friend will share photos of his niece and nephew so the criminal could have seen this.

I just find the whole thing disturbing. The annoying thing is another person in the circle still goes out to play pool with this criminal. The friend who told me about the incident is angry about the person in our circle associating with the criminal. I don’t really want to be hanging out with friends who are making excuses for a criminal and associating with them. I’m just struggling as I love children and hate things like this.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 23/08/2021 10:17

Find new friends then?

johnd2 · 23/08/2021 10:18

It's tough but please try to focus on what you can do, firstly you have cut all contact with this person which is your right. Other people can and do have other viewpoints, so they can make their own decision based on what's important to them. This is their right.
You can express your feelings about this to them but ultimately you have the power to decide whether to keep in touch with the other people who are in touch with him.
If you start trying to focus on what other people should or shouldn't do it can get stressful and messy quickly. Good luck, it's not easy.

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