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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have you ever....

2 replies

Eorks · 23/08/2021 00:58

Just gone along with a man being creepy even though you knew it was wrong?

This happened years ago but it has bubbled to the surface and I suddenly feel really upset about it.

I was happily married and had a couple we were really good friends with. They had kids the same age as ours and we got on like a house on fire. We saw each other all the time and the kids were very close.

Me and my husband split and about two years later I was over at the couple's house. It was just me and the husband and our kids. I tell the husband I've finally met someone and I'm really happy. I gush about my new man. The husband leans in and tried to kiss me. He puts his hand behind my neck and pushes me towards his face. It's unmistakable that he tried to kiss me. I push him away and make an awkward joke. I stay around the house for a while then make my excuses and go.

I tell my ex husband and he phones the guy and tells him he knows what happened and how dare he. They had worked together for years (sorry if that is a drip feed, but ridiculously that is the case and made it even more shocking)

I don't know what to do because me and the guy's wife were close and met up quite a lot and confided in each other when the kids were younger. They had already had a very rocky patch and I didn't really want to add to it by saying he tried to kiss me. I kept thinking of their two little boys

Anyway, after this incident we just ghosted them but saw each other at school things. The dad knew the reason but the mum must have thought I was just a bitch, ghosting them for no reason...

I don't know why it's come to my mind tonight but it just suddenly annoyed me that a man can make a pass like that and get protected. Lots of people -four kids(his and mine), his wife, and me and my husband lost friends due to his actions. The kids were really close and suddenly couldn't see each other. They go to the same school, ffs. He just gets to carry on and probably has bitched about me to his poor wife

I'm pretty shocked that I was so passive. I would like to think that the me I am today would have shouted and made a fuss when he tried to kiss me because I'm so grumpy these days and don't care about pleasing people. But then again I don't think I would, because it is so insidious when a man does that creepy thing to you. I'm just posting to see if people know what I mean. A man does a creepy thing to you and you just can't open your mouth even though you're screaming inside?

OP posts:
ShitShop · 23/08/2021 01:04

Same thing happened to me and I was only thinking about it last night.

How sad it was for the wife that she never knew why she lost her friend.

Except I was a child. The husband
tried it on with me in the car taking me home one evening, and when I finally told my parents about it months later (I hadn’t understood what had happened and he’d told me that they’d be cross with me if I told them Angry ) my parents just dropped their friends, but they didn’t want to report him to police as she was so nice and they wanted to protect her from knowing about it I think.

Most disturbing thing is, my mum had been abused as a child too, so as an adult now it makes me wonder how she could have just let him get away with it, knowing he would probably go on to try with another child, rather than talk to the wife about it and report the dirty pervert. Sad. I guess we hear a lot about people shooting the messenger on here, so maybe there was a bit of that at play too?

Eorks · 23/08/2021 17:13

That's awful @ShitShop- I am so sorry to hear this. Sad

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