I know it's not my business but any positive stories of a similar situation?

[satci]

My son (23) told me this weekend he was seeing a man. I wasn't at all surprised it was a man but when I asked about him he said he was 50. He said he's happy, it's not serious and he won't be bringing him to meet us anytime soon. I feel this is such an age gap and I worry it won't be entirely healthy. He's 23, financially ok, but isn't massively experienced with relationships etc. I feel like maybe there will be an imbalance of power etc. Am I overthinking this? There's nothing I can or would do anyway but do things like this ever work? Thanks for reading.

I would be concerned if my son’s first partner (of either sex) was 27 years older than him. If it were a girl/boy relationship, there would be immediate calls of possible grooming etc. The same could be applied here.

Tom Daley’s partner is 20 years older, and I’m always surprised more people haven’t commented on this age difference.

I would be very concerned about this too.

I've read a "suggested rule" on MN before where they say if you halve the older person's age, then add on 7 years, that is the limit of the age gap that is "okay". Otherwise the power imbalance is skewed. It is a good rule of thumb as it is obviously a lower number for younger people / teens than it is for when the younger partner is more experienced and worldly.

However I am not sure what you can do about it. Your ds is an adult, and, notoriously, if you try to discourage young people away from an unsuitable relationship, it tends to push them away from you and into the arms of the new partner. It is good that he wanted to tell you about him, and I guess you try not to be negative about him too much to your ds.

I'd be concerned too, but there's nothing you can do about it

There is something you can do. Talk to him about your thoughts. Your words may be a resource that he draws upon one day.