A sexless relationship I can't cope

[itsnotallrainbows]

I am literally loosing my mind and I don't know what to do. Everyday I think about it/our relationship. We have a good relationship been together 8 years mid 30's and have a dc together who starts school this year.
From the outside we look perfect but we haven't had sex for 4 years. We have talked about it and he knows it's a problem. He's been the doctors/counselling and nothing has changed.
I recently bumped into an ex from 15 years ago and he chatted and I instantly felt that excitment, feeling wanted, sexy...me again! I would never cheat on dp or go back to the ex (ewww) but I realised how unhappy I am and whether to just call it a day with dp but we have a child and it's so hard. Any advice?

What do you both do to try ?
What is the problem ?
Do you want more kids ?

Is he avoiding sex with you, or just not initiating?,
When you say he has been to the Doctors, was this for ED or blood tests?
What happens when you initiate?

I don't think it'll change. I eventually divorced my DH after 8 sexless years. I tried everything in that time, and eventually backed right off in the hope I was pressuring him at which point that was that. On the plus side, we are pretty friendly now and co-parent well. Ironically, he met someone straight away whereas 2 years on and I still can't be arsed, I like being single too much!

Just nothing from both of us and I think it's been that long that it now feel awkward for both of us.
He when to the doctors had bloods etc done and everything was fine and suggested it was mentally for him so went to councelling and didn't do much. He says he never thinks about sex but loves me

This seems to be such a common issue with straight couples our age. Loads of my friends have/had male partners who are no longer interested in sex. One just left her partner of 12 years because they hadn't had sex in about 8 of those. Another was with her bf (they were very serious despite everything) and they NEVER had sex in a 5 year relationship.

I hope you get it sorted one way or another OP.

I don't want a broken family but am I going to get to my old age and look back and regret it and I think I would. But I'm so scared of being on my own at the same time.
My head is just messed up at the moment.

If he has no sex drive that's him. However by staying you accept him and his lack of
drive. If it's not for you anymore move on

If he’s not that interested in sex, you can’t really change that, you can try date nights, or initiating yourself to try and get something going, but you probably won’t get the “wanted “ feeling from it,
Sorry

Gay or asexual i reckon. I dont think its fair on you. Maybe you would be better as friends

You need to tell him that you will end the relationship if things don’t improve. Can he get hard/does he masturbate?

He says he loves you to keep you. He’s happy.

He says he never masturbates and we have had trouble with him staying hard hence the trip to the doctors

Who else would have him but you ?
What do YOU want ?

You're only mid 30's and no sex/sexual intimacy for the rest of your life? That would not work for me, and it's clearly not working for you. This is a very sad way to live.

He knows you're not happy about it. He shouldn't feel coerced however.

Is your relationship good in other ways? Do you go on 'dates' and have fun together? If I was you, I would try and get the spark back. Have fun together, do exciting things. Try one of you waiting in a bar and the other one arrives like it's your first date?

If nothing changes and this doesn't work, you need to move on. You deserve better than feeling unhappy every day. It's better for your DC to come from a 'broken' family, then they be brought up by parents who are so unhappy.

OP I think it's time to call it a day on this relationship. It sounds like you would be able to have an amicable separation which will help with the children and they will adapt.

Did the Dr prescribe anything for the ED or just tell him it was all in his head ?,
Have you tried any of the over the counter ED medications ?
It could be the case that he is suffering from performance anxiety and is avoiding sex to avoid the embarrassment of not performing, this can be a vicious circle difficult to break once it gets in into your head

Well I suppose it might be performance anxiety. But no sex and (he says) no desire to masturbate for four years. In your 30s. Most people that age would want it at least once a week. And he knows its a problem but isn't tackling it. You are in a difficult position but he should not be imposing celibacy on you - that would be a deal breaker for many people.