He just left me and I’m pregnant with our second because I told him I don’t like how he speaks to me..

[Lolashay]

I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and he has always struggled with communication and sulks and gives me silent treatment for days if we have a disagreement or he’s upset about something I’ve said that he doesn’t agree with and rather than us speaking to one another like mature adults he will twist everything or simply gaslight or stonewall me. I didn’t know he was doing all of these things until learning from other women on here that have also experienced the same. Today he has packed his bags and left me and our 5 year old and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with severe morning sickness all because he refused to accept me telling him that I can no longer handle how reactive he is over every little thing and it’s too much for me to handle while feeling this week. He then told me he’s fed up and refused to acknowledge what I said and disregarded that he’s constantly reactive as he has anger issues and has now left so I’m made to feel guilty for bringing up an issue I felt was needed to be said rather than to let him continue doing something that is affecting the family negatively. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do now..

Good riddance to the abusive arsehole. Just take one day at a time and don't allow him back.

Wave bye bye and enjoy your new life.

Do some crying, wailing into your pillow then do some angry.
Repeat.

Inbetween crying and angry get some counseling sorted through GP.

Wait for the realisation that this is the greatest thing that happened to you. It will come.

It may not sound it now but it's the best thing for you and your DC that he has gone. Once you've taken a moment for it to sink in, you need to get practical though. Do you have a job? If you don't, or if it's low paid, then look to get a benefits claim in straightaway. Is your name on the tenancy agreement/mortgage? If it's not (and even if it is) you need to think about where you will live. You might want to consider moving in with family or friends if you have someone would can support you. Put in a claim for child support. Also, think long and hard about your current pregnancy. Of course it is absolutely your choice, but if you think are going to struggle, it's a perfectly valid option if you don't want to progress with it.

Main thing - don't let him come back.

You’ve got rid of an abusive partner, congratulations. It seems hard but honestly you’ll be fine. Do you have family support nearby? Or good friends you can turn to?

Please don’t feel guilty for calling him out on his pathetic behaviour - he’ll be hoping you start to cave about now and beg him to go back. You don’t need to do this. Being a lone parent is much easier than parenting while tiptoeing around an arsehole, I promise you.

Stick to your guns op, no one needs that shite.

I'm glad he's gone so easily and you haven't had to deal with his shit throughout a whole other pregnancy.

I'd throw a party and change the locks.

Speak to Women's Aid.

Get support for yourself. Do the Freedom Programme course. Work out a new budget. Update any benefit claims for your single status / make a claim for universal credit if eligible. Start a child maintenance claim. Speak to a solicitor if married or joint assets.

Those are not "communication struggles" or "anger issues", that is coercive control - domestic abuse.

He is an abuser and it is in your children's best interests for the relationship to end.

Do not allow him back.

@UserStillatLarge I know you’re right as with what everyone else is saying. It’s just so hard to accept he’s left me and our child while I’m suffering with hypermisis, then again it shows how much lack of empathy he has. I do have a job thankfully, he on the other hand does not and has been in out of work for years as he can’t seem to keep a job so I’m hoping financially I can manage. I’m more concerned about the impact on my 5 year old and also currently being pregnant and managing all of this on my own as I don’t have any family or friends nearby. Plus when I go on maternity I won’t have any income apart from maternity pay. I guess it’s all a lot at the moment to deal with.. And I have a feeling he may come back

[quote Lolashay]@UserStillatLarge I know you’re right as with what everyone else is saying. It’s just so hard to accept he’s left me and our child while I’m suffering with hypermisis, then again it shows how much lack of empathy he has. I do have a job thankfully, he on the other hand does not and has been in out of work for years as he can’t seem to keep a job so I’m hoping financially I can manage. I’m more concerned about the impact on my 5 year old and also currently being pregnant and managing all of this on my own as I don’t have any family or friends nearby. Plus when I go on maternity I won’t have any income apart from maternity pay. I guess it’s all a lot at the moment to deal with.. And I have a feeling he may come back[/quote]

based on this financial information update..

I'd say you're going to be much better off...

don't let this free loader worm his way back 🌸

And I have a feeling he may come back

why would you allow him back 😱

Of course he’ll come crawling back soon - but the decision is yours - will you allow him?!

Taking him back would be the biggest mistake of your life. Think about what's best for your children, and it's not living with an abusive father who treats their mother like shit.

Do not take this lazy abusive man back into your life !

Why would you do that ?

@Aquamarine1029

Taking him back would be the biggest mistake of your life. Think about what's best for your children, and it's not living with an abusive father who treats their mother like shit.

Basically.

It's weird that you're more worried about the impact on your 5yo of finally being protected from abuse than the impact of living in an abusive home.

It's weird that you think him leaving is a bigger problem than him abusing you for 8 years.

Threatening to leave is a common abuser tactic to control you. He'll come back when he thinks he's taught you a lesson.

Allowing him back would be a huge mistake.

He’s done you a favour by leaving.
Do you work ?
Do you have a joint bank account ?
Do you own/rent ? Is he on the deeds/rent agreement?

Don’t take him back as he’ll never change. He knows he had a good thing with you but unfortunately, you didn’t. You’re better off without him.
Maybe if he realises he’s been a complete despicable arse and wants to change, he can stay where he is, get some counselling sorted, sort out his work and prove to you that he’s changed. It will take a long time though, if he’s serious. Don’t allow him back til he’s done that and stayed stable for a good few months.

He’s done exactly what you were trying to talk to him about only worse, it’s shows he’s selfish and egotistical and not willing to change. Don’t cave now!

Being a lone parent is much easier than parenting while tiptoeing around an arsehole, I promise you.

OP, I left my abuser after 30 years. So much time wasted on an arsehole.

Don't let this guy back, no matter how much he begs. And I'd be considering if this changes whether to carry on with the pregnancy. If you do carry on, leave him off the BC.

This guy sounds very much like he's sponging off you, definitely a reason to tthrow him back in the sea.

Being a single parent is much much easier than bringing up two children with an abusive partner. Think very carefully whether a man who will try and bully you into submission because you dared to call him out on his shitty behaviour, is someone you want in your life. What does he even bring to this relationship?

Oh OP - I really feel for you, it might be twins as well?

What a catch he is, abusive and doesn’t work. Do you really want your child to see this behaviour as acceptable?
Change the locks and get rid.