My wife is avoidant and doesn't seem to be doing anything about it.
She knows it is the main reason why there's problems in our marriage.
She concealed and lied about debt she'd built up before we met that nearly stopped us buying our house. She then worked up a massive amount of debt (several 10s of k) that we had to extend the mortgage to sort out. She wrote to me that she'd do anything to put it right.
We went to counselling and some of the reasons why were discussed but she stopped going. Nothing was resolved.
Within a year I find out that there was now another set of credit cards that have been accumulating debt.
At this point I had had enough of the lies and said something needed to be done to stop it. We either needed to have proper joint accounts or I needed to be able to know what was going on with her finances. How could I trust her not to do this again? This is when she said that the marriage wasn't working for her.
Not long after that she manufactured an argument over me not doing the dishwasher despite me having been working in the garden for nearly 2 days as she'd been complaining it was messy. She said after that that we should just be co-parenting but seems to have been sending mixed messages since as to whether we're a couple or not.
We live together still. We go on holidays together. She says she loves me.
I managed to get us back into doing some counselling. I found out that she's avoidant and that she's known that for some time. She needs to go through a lot of stuff but she's refusing further counselling and appears to be doing very little to tackle the things that might allow us to have a more normal relationship.
It's been over 2 years since the argument. It's been over 3 years since there was any kind of intimacy and even then it had been very infrequent for over 10 years.
Email discussions on what is going on and what should be done next are left by her for weeks and months at a time or just abandoned entirely. When I try to talk about things the response is that there's too much pressure.
What am I supposed to do? I don't think we can afford to split up but I can't really continue in this relationship that's not really a relationship but might be a relationship thing.