Overreaction to passing comment

[Attackofthenarc]

Have NC
So I've just had the weirdest call with my dad who is apoplectic at a passing comment I made to my niece that I assumed was truth as he'd told me it.
I'm no contact with her dad as he is a proven narc but I still am in contact with her mum and we all met for coffee yesterday for the first time since before Covid. Niece doesn't go to her dad's much as he's let her down many times and I think the relationship is quite strained.

Niece does a hobby and before Covid I was told by my dad that her work within this hobby had been spotted by a pro and she'd been invited to showcase her work. So naturally I said grandad had told me and asked how it was going and was told that wasn't the case. Changed subject and carried on with the afternoon. All fine.

Well, this morning my phone blows up as niece's mum has text her dad asking if grandad is not proud of her as she is and feels the need to lie about her achievements. Her dad has contacted our dad and gone off on him calling him a liar and he's then called me absolutely raging, that he never said it, won't be called a liar, I must have dreamt it and I'm to sort "this fucking mess out". I said he definitely did say it to me but yes, I'll call and say I obviously dreamt it. He then still rages at me about him "getting shit from (brother)" and hangs up.

I've messaged the mum and said to say I obviously dreamt it then and there must bigger issues and she's now messaging me saying sorry it's caused all this drama. I don't understand why I'm getting the rough end of rage for a passing comment. I've done what was asked of me even though it's not what happened. I didn't dream it.
Any suggestions?!?

@JSL52 She has to apologise for messaging my brother saying that dad is obviously not proud of her achievements as they are. The thing is she has been approached before but by a b-list pro, and dad told me this was an a-list pro. I don't get why the conversation could not have gone like:
Niece mum: is your dad not proud etc
My brother: course he is, he's probably made a mistake.
And that's where it could have ended.
I haven't messaged dad back, nor spoken to him since his rant.

[quote Attackofthenarc]@JSL52 She has to apologise for messaging my brother saying that dad is obviously not proud of her achievements as they are. The thing is she has been approached before but by a b-list pro, and dad told me this was an a-list pro. I don't get why the conversation could not have gone like:
Niece mum: is your dad not proud etc
My brother: course he is, he's probably made a mistake.
And that's where it could have ended.
I haven't messaged dad back, nor spoken to him since his rant. [/quote]
Ok. Horrible of your Dad. Hope you're able to sort it out.

I think all those saying he is angry caught out on a lie are true

I've just realised my (probably narc) Mum did this on the two occasions I've called out a lie. She was angry at me for innocently saying " that's not true" and I wax tons never to embarrass her like that again. I told her not to drag me into her lies then

Italy's about how they are perceived by others

tell them theyre all fucking nuts and you dont want any part of the shitshow, and he should be apologising to you if anything, but youd rather they just all kept it to themselves and left you out of it

I'm not even going to engage at all. He's text a repeat of the same message this morning. Luckily I'm pretty safe in that he won't show up to my house as the kids are off school, then I'll be in work full-time when they're back.
@Oldraver That's exactly what my mum has said - his perfect crown has slipped.
Still gobsmacked this morning by the total overreaction by them both.

Hes doing the 'massive reaction when caught out bullshitting to try convince otherwise' thing.

Id just text ' yeah mum says you shit yourself when caught lieing as well'.

Why are you backing into a corner telling someone you must have dreamt something? Think on that.

I always think it's a really good indicator if someone having had narcissists in their life when they make themselves small. Eg 'I'm probably wrong but...' or 'oh I must have misunerstood/misheard/be mistaken' (even though you know you are not, but just for a quiet life) or 'you know me, I'm such a silly thing' (calling yourself stupid before they can, because it hurts less).

It can reduce when you've had time away from them. But flairs up again big time when you are around other narcissists. Often it's your own body and own reactions to someone s that tell you other people are not healthy before you even consciously think on it.

But try to catch yourself when you do this and stop. Because this kind of surrendering behaviour does not keep you safe from the narcissust, it just presents you as a weak target. And narcissists attack weaknesses.

He's still on one! Has been into my daughter's work as well asking when we're going away. I haven't responded as I think anything I say or if I ignore will be inflammatory. But if I was to respond I am thinking (bearing in mind we had an ok relationship before this):
"I've done as you asked and told * it must have been a dream, I'm not sure what else you want me to do? Having a normal conversation and making a passing comment with my own nephews does not justify the histrionics that followed. Neither of them were bothered by the comment. It also turned out that neither of them had contact with (related to another pro) either and that's something that (brother) is adamant that happened so it's entirely plausible that his anger at you, and in turn me, is because he has been caught out. There's been many times where (brother) has told you things that you have passed to me that just haven't been true as we have the same friends so it's not unlikely that this is one of them and you don't remember as there are so many lies."

tell him to fuck off and to stop bothering me with his insane accusations and demands

“Honestly dad you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Going to just leave it now til you calm down”

Well @Branleuse is more direct!

Reply to your dad saying "I simply spoke to my niece to congratulate her on what you told me. I think it's up to you to sort this out amongst yourselves"!

@Branleuse

tell him to fuck off and to stop bothering me with his insane accusations and demands

Literally that.

'You dound batshit right now...' then what pp said.

Then I'd put him on mute and never read any of his texts anymore.

I completely see my arse when I’m blamed for something I haven’t done.

I will not bloody cover up for someone’s shitstorm either.

You did nothing wrong OP.

You don’t have to entertain this pish.
The drama feeders can pick the bones clean. Step away.

Why the hell are you pandering to this crap?

Why on earth did you say that you dreamed it when you didn’t?

Honestly I would set the record straight with your niece and tell her that there grandad lied or made a mistake but he absolutely told you what you’d told her, so her/her mum’s issue is with him and not you.

And then cut off the lot of them.

His messages are unbelievable. Can’t believe a grown man would write such nonsense

My dad used to do this. I've worked in the legal profession for years and done quite well for myself, but he used to tell everyone I was a lawyer, when I'm not. That's just one example.

My dad also started getting weird like this, and we didn't realize at the time, that it was the first symptoms of dementia.

Your dad might need a check up. I hope it's just bad behavior, and not anything worse.

@Ciaobaby92 My mum said the same thing about dementia so maybe you have a point. Doubt I'll be able to do anything about it though.
Also, not sure why I wrote nephews earlier - was thinking about them too!
Nothing from him today so far, my tactic is still to ignore I think.

So a little update, on Thursday I wrote back (after another text about defamation of character 🙄) I said our recollections obviously varied but given my brother's track record in lying etc and his massive overreaction that he take it up with him as I am at a loss as to what I need to apologise for. That he needs to talk to my brother and direct his vitriol back to him so we can draw a line under it and move on.

Not heard a thing since...