Should I stay or should I go

[p12241342]

My wife had an affair for 7 weeks back in March. I fould out end of May and since have been trying to make things work for us and our family.

She told me he makes her happy and jhe made her feel good but she didn't have feelings for him and didn't think about him anymore.

Everyday I would ask her does she miss him, does she love him and does she think about him. She swore for months she didn't feel any of those things.

Yesterday she told me that she does have feelings for him and she misses him and she does think about him but doesn't want us to break up as she doesn't want to be with him.

I asked her why she lied for months and said may be she can only just admit it to herself now.

She is asking me to carry on trying but her missing and thinking about someone else. Should I stay knowing that I'm loving her but she is thinking about and missing someone else. I told her we will never work until she let's go of the feelings she has for him inside her head.

What do I do how do I handle this

I don't want to leave but how do I stay knowing what I know

By constantly asking her about this man every day, you were/are doing the equivalent of picking at a scab. It's never going to heal that way.

You need to make your mind up whether your marriage is worth saving or not, and if the answer is yes, then you have to stop badgering her about how she feels. Of course you are deeply hurt, but it is doing neither of you any good if you keep thinking about it.

I agree, what is making you constantly bring this up daily? How is she meant to put feelings for another person in the past if you constantly make it part of her present? Either you can't forgive her, in which case you leave, or you commit to staying together, in which case you work on moving on and don't needle her about it constantly.

I see what your saying but she has lied to me even after the affair for the past 3 months after promising that there would be no more lies and she wouldn't hurt me again as she has seen what it did when I found out about the affair.

She says she doesn't love him she says they are just feelings but feelings is love isn't it. She misses him thinks about him every day and has feelings how can she not want to be with him.

She doesn’t want to be with him because she’s a selfish cow who likes the feeling of being desired.
She tells you because she’s a selfish cow who would really like her cake and to eat it.

She’s a dick to both of you

Oh OP, you've been posting about this for months now and I honestly think it's time to go.

You made her being truthful a condition of you staying together. She's thrown your attempt at forgiving her in your face by continually lying. Not to mention insulting your intelligence by expecting you to believe she'd gone from totally infatuated to no feelings just like that.

Do I remember that she also told you that if you hadn't found out she was going to end it anyway? Aye right 🙄

This for me would be the end. I know it's easy for me to say. But I think if you stay it's never going to be the same. You now know that she is happy to lie repeatedly to your face, even with the whole of your marriage at stake.

If you stay I also think your self respect will take a battering. You deserve better than this.

@p12241342
In honesty how can she forget about him if you keep throwing him in her face day in a day out only 2 tings you can do here.

1. if you want things to work out your going to have to stop doing what your doing if you want to move past it. 2)end it and move on with your life because if you don't do one it's going to end pretty soon anyway. But me I would be gone no doubt about it if someone says they love you they would never in a million years cheat on you and hurt you the way she has, I would be doubting everyday if they loved me tbh.

She doesn’t t want to be with him, but when someone else comes along that she does want to be with, she will have no use for you anymore.

@p12241342

I see what your saying but she has lied to me even after the affair for the past 3 months after promising that there would be no more lies and she wouldn't hurt me again as she has seen what it did when I found out about the affair.

She says she doesn't love him she says they are just feelings but feelings is love isn't it. She misses him thinks about him every day and has feelings how can she not want to be with him.

Leave. Just leave. We don't know the answers, nor do you after three months of asking, it's time to leave.