Would you leave or stay and see if things change

[Linda91]

So needed some insite on my current situation

So me and my partner got into an argument some nights ago.. Manly as he stayed out all night got in 6 in the morning, phone off all night and pretended everythings ok. This has happened on may occasions before, hes also very absent in family life where he comes home late from work or what he has got going on in the day

This situation made me leave our home and whilst angry i did say i didnt think this relationship is working.

Since leaving around 3 days ago hes only try call me once
I mean in my mind ive left in anger because hes barely present but i did think it might make him realise his actions are really hurting me and in hope this may make him miss us so we can try resolve things. I feel very lonely and sad for our kids who are missing out on him and hes aware how its making us all feel

I gather he dont care about us or am i just over thinking this alot and hes giving me space.. Im holding on to HOPE THINGS WILL CHANGE BUT will they? What do u think I should do going forward

I would appricate advice i feel so angry and lonely, upset that its gone this way. I have no one i can speak to im even hiding the situation from my cousin whom ive come to stay with as im feeling ashamed that the marriage feels like its failed. So hard to express these mixed emotions

Sorry if im not making any sense

If this has happened before then it’s a (really shitty) pattern of behaviour from him. He’s not stupid (well- he is a bit!)- he already should know this isn’t acceptable and that it’s hurting you. If he can’t see that now- he never will. He sounds selfish and immature 💐

By the way- you have nothing to be ashamed of. He’s the one who should be hanging his head in shame 💐

This sounds like it's been a regular thing and will continue to be in the future.
Break up now before it becomes an even more viscous cycle.

Im in so much tears. Im so unhappy but love him alot aswel.. Or im just thinking hes that person i first met. Theres alot of resentment adding. I wish he would be caring and understanding this has been happening for around 2 years go out not come home till late, no family time, im all alone till practically 12am @NotaCoolMum

@hashbrownsandwich

Where does he claim to have been til 6am ? with his phone conveniently switched off ?

This is who he is.... believe him.

Please choose not to spend the rest of your life living like this... you and your kids deserve ... 🌸

better.. you deserve better 🌸

How long have you been together @Linda91? People always show their “best” selves for the first year or two and then the “real” version eventually shows its face.

He says his mates, also he smells of drink once home. Tells me im a psycho for calling him once out @QueenBee52

So he’s gaslighting you. This will not change. You can’t argue with someone who doesn’t think they’re behaviour needs to change.

Around 6 years married 4. He did do this once or twice after marriage, but then started again once i got pregnant and now this happens every 2/3weeks Its actually getting really irritating, sometimes hes back on time and them some storms in 5/6/7 am @QueenBee52

@NotaCoolMum ^^

He doesn't see nothing wrong, doesn't apologise expects me to get over it and tells me im delusional as i think hes cheating when I've never said he is. I just say u need to act likee a family man and communicate

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This isn’t at all how a man who loves you should behave. You deserve so much better than this and so do your kids. 💐

Why do you want to stay with a man who treats you and the children like this ? your anxiety levels, must be through the roof, knowing this pattern of behaviour is coming as soon as he walks out that door...

You either accept that this is your life now and he lives his life as he sees fit, disrespecting you..

you know he is not going to change.. he doesn't care enough to change.

He won't ever change. He just doesn't care as much as you do. He has a drink issue and is absent. The DC won't miss him.

Go see a solicitor and get some advice.

Yes I used to have an ex husband who did this. I literally couldn’t sleep as was worried he’d fallen over and was unconscious in a road or in bed with another woman. He’s crossing boundaries and you need to get some put up if this relationship is going to work.

He has a drinking issue and maybe a cheating issue too.

You don't have to accept this. You can decide you and your family are worth more. You are.

He's not going to change. He's happy living like this. He fundamentally doesn't respect you, understand your needs or care that he isn't meeting them. He feels entitled to go off and have these benders or cheat you or whatever he is doing.

Yes sadly i feel like he is use to this now. He's not bothered with us even once leaving so whats the point. I just dont know how to go about telling my family

How do you think i should approach. I'm so scared feel like im a disappointment, they will blame me for marrying even though they told me give your relationship more time. all i wanted was to be a happy, i know i was very in love and just wanted to start my own family. My kids keep asking about him. I just feel lost and feel like im carrying so much weight @CinnamonMagic @NotaCoolMum @RantyAunty @QueenBee52 @Lolabray

If he left (or you left, your post isn’t completely clear), three days ago, and he hasn’t been in touch since, it sounds to me like the decision is no longer yours to make.

I would see a solicitor.

He doesn't seem to care that you've gone so I think you have your answer tbh

I'm so scared feel like im a disappointment, they will blame me for marrying even though they told me give your relationship more time

I mean, it’s been six years and you have two children. It’s not like the marriage failed a couple of weeks after the wedding. You have more important things to worry about at the moment than whether or not you have judgy relations.

I had left because he refused to go away for even a few days, i told him that these are long time issues and i cant put up with it anymore @Changechangychange. He didn't say anything, Silent treatment. I left with the kids but not for gd as i won't be able to stay with anyone long,more or so as a break so we are not in eachothers faces. He hasn't contacted so I'm thinking to get all our things n leave properly @Changechangychange

By the actions and everyone mentioned he clearly doesn't care or just thinks shes gone, she will be back. Prob having time of his life cause i think he been out all night again. Our driveway cameras r showing no car soo..

Do you rent or own your home? If you own then you need to return to the marital home before filing for divorce. You will be in a much weaker position if you've gone elsewhere as the courts tend to divide marital assets based on need.

If you rent then yes I'd go pack up all my stuff and find somewhere permanent away from this arse.

Why would he change, when this pattern of behaviour is so longstanding? What would be different this time?

What example of mutually respectful relationships would you like to demonstrate to your children?

Can you be happy and fulfilled in this relationship or is it eating away at you?

What future would you like for you and dcs? Does it include trying to cope with the behaviour of a partner that you find difficult and upsetting?

Have you considered a future free of that? One when you and the kids are happy, safe and contented?