Husband’s drinking

[Gemmac987]

Hi,

I would really appreciate some advice and feel completely lost right now.

My husband and I have been together for 16 years. We are mostly really happy and he’s my best friend. We get on like a house on fire EXCEPT when he drinks. And this is the tough part. He drinks roughly 3 nights per week in the last couple of years and when he drinks he turns into a different person. He is the most loving man when he’s sober, give him a few beers and he’s selfish, argumentative and the alcohol affects his behaviour when he’s asleep. I try to avoid him when he’s drinking as I don’t want to get into an argument or get too close to him so I’m already treading on egg shells on those evenings. On Thursday night he’d been drinking so I waited an hour after he’d gone to bed to make sure he was asleep. I went up and crept into bed and he reacted by kicking me in the face and shouted words I didn’t understand, he was completely unaware that he’d kicked me but he did it with such force that I fell backwards out of the bed. On previous nights he’s done things like bend my fingers back whilst asleep when I’ve touched him. He shouted random things.

The next morning I tell him what he’s done and he’s so embarrassed and apologetic but then a couple of days later he’s drinking again. Since he kicked me on Thursday he’s still gone on to drink a couple yesterday and heavily tonight.

I feel heartbroken because I love him so much and we are so happy when alcohol isn’t involved but he clearly chooses the drink more than he chooses my feelings and happiness.

I gave him a choice at the beginning of the year and he promised he’d change. He registered to an alcohol recovery charity however then decided that he didn’t need that and he was perfectly capable of controlling his alcohol consumption himself.

I’m sleeping on the sofa most of the time when he drinks as I’m scared of him and I know that’s not a good way to live.

You’d think him kicking you in the face and bending your fingers backwards would horrify him into not wanting to drink again! 😳 if the fact that he becomes verbally and physically abusive when he’s drunk (which is almost half of the week) hasn’t motivated him to stop and think- than nothing will. Sorry you’re going through this 💐

You need to leave before he seriously injures you-I'm amazed you don't have a facial fracture or a concussion. He's an alcoholic and in denial. There is no happy future for you until he admits his addiction and wants to change. Please seek legal advice and familiarize yourself with Al-Anon. If he well and truly loved you he would quit

This sounds a destructive and abusive relationship and he needs help and you need to put yourself first here

@Gemmac987

He needs to stop drinking
Loads of support on line

You are in a relationship with an alcoholic.

Only HE can decide to stop drinking and he clearly does not want to do so. He does not want to address the root causes of his alcoholism and is more than happy to blame you and keep on injuring you. His primary relationship is with drink, its not you and its never been with you either. His thoughts centre on and around drink and where the next drink is coming from.

Sleeping on the sofa as well will give you back problems. Would you be yourself willing now to contact Al-anon?. They would be very useful to you.

You may well love this man but I would think you are confusing this with codependency. Your codependency is also keeping you within this destructive and dysfunctional relationship. You're carrying out the usual roles associated with such spouses in this; those of codependent partner, enabler and provoker (because you never forget). Did you yourself grow up seeing a similar dynamic?.