I seem to attract men who had unhappy childhoods, which have left them with serious issues.
One ex, who I dated about five years ago, told me he suffered various forms of abuse as a child. He would speak quite openly about the physical and emotional abuse, but he hinted there was also occasional sexual abuse, and I think I might have been the first person he told about this. He said he’d tried counselling, but couldn’t open up.
We didn’t have a good relationship. He was very unreliable, told lies and in hindsight, I’m pretty sure he was cheating on me. I put up with far too much because I cared about him and wanted to help him. But there wasn’t much I could do.
Recently, I bumped into a former friend of his, who told me my ex had “lost the plot” and was living in a tent, drinking and getting into violent pub brawls. Apparently, he beat up a man who was much smaller than him. I was shocked, as my ex was very anti-violence when I knew him and condemned all violent behaviour very strongly. And he can’t have had a criminal record back then, as he worked as a carer.
I’m very glad my ex isn’t in my life any more and doesn’t even know where I live. However, he really needs professional help and I think if he doesn’t get it he’ll probably drink himself to death. He did email me out of the blue a few months ago, asking to meet up, but I declined.
Should I reach out to him and try to persuade him to get help? Or would that make absolutely no difference to the outcome? My best friend thinks he will only get help if/when he wants to and that I should stay well away.