Staying single or?

[PumpkinKlNG]

Has anyone made the decision to stay single until their kids are grown up? I just don’t see how dating is possible as a single parent (unless you get a lot of time to yourself)

Been single since 2010, my kids are 24 and 21 and still single.

I think that's the more ideal way to go, to be honest. I'm not for the whole step-family lifestyle, it's just too complicated, confusing and not fair on the children. Not saying single parents shouldn't get into relationship, but it's probably best to keep those relationships separate from family life.

I've chosen to not date for several reasons. One of them is as a single parent I do not have the time or energy. Or the inclination.

Love is a wonderful thing, but I don't feel the need to get invested (emotionally, financially, etc) with another person. I enjoy my own company, I have so much in my life I am grateful for, the bond DC and I have is immeasurable. Factoring in a partner hardly seems worth it as this point.

When thinking about what it is I would hope to have in a partner, an intimate relationship, my standards and boundaries are not and never will be up for negotiation.

Oh I wouldn’t do FWB etc I would rather stay single than do that (not judging those that do though)

Single mum here, no I wouldn't date, it isn't fair on the children

I'm a single mum and I've just started dating someone. My children spend 3 nights a week with their dad so I see him on one of those days. I'm planning on keeping those two sides of my life separate for a long while

My children don’t see their father at all that’s why I don’t think it is possible

Yes, 13 years and counting. The blended family thing is not for me, I often think it's not great for the kids involved. Mainly though I didn't want to risk my ds being abandoned by a father figure down the line, one abandonment is enough for any child to cope with. Plus I prefer being single, it suits me.

Will be staying single, now and once my DC are grown. Relationships are not worth the hassle.

I dated after the breakdown of my marriage and met a man who has brought so much richness to mine and my children’s’ lives. He helps with homework, chauffeurs them to activities, comes to support them at competitions, is always on hand to answer a question or have a joke, tells them to put their plates in the dishwasher…and they love and trust him. In short, he’s not their dad and he doesn’t try to be, but he is a full and welcome member of our family. If you get it right it’s a wonderful thing.

I’ve been single for almost a year since I broke up with my ex. I’m not interested in dating. I’m quite happy with my decision, as it’s quite freeing just be able to put myself and my son first.
My mum has made a few comments about it but I’m not lonely at all, and who is gonna treat me better than me?

Maybe I’ll date in the future, maybe I won’t. My son is 18 months and sees his dad once a week generally but doesn’t sleep over, so finding the time would be difficult even if I wanted to.

SarahBellam I’m glad you managed to find someone and make it work

Mumoblue your mum is making comments about you being single for a year with an 18 month old? Wow, I’ve been single for 5 years, a year is really not long at all especially with such a young baby I’m surprised your mum thinks you should start dating

I ended up with DP accidentally - it was supposed to be a one night bit of fun - and while i'm allergic to family blending due to my own childhood, he thankfully has no children to add to the mix and is a better 'dad' to DD than her actual dad. I'm amszed and feel very lucky. I think for anything less, i wouldve stuck to staying single as i just cant cope with it.

Me OP. My situation is a bit more complicated in that I still live with my ex. Even call him DH on MN sometimes! We’re the best of friends and a happy family.

I have spent most of my life in relationships and am loving the freedom of being single now, I have a lot of healing still to do from the breakdown of my marriage and my childhood but am learning to put myself first for the first time in my life. I’m finding it very liberating. I have a friend who would gladly help me out on lack of sex situation but I couldn’t even be arsed with the complication of that!

Here's another view on the subject because I did not date while my child was growing up - I later attended some singles parties and chatting up with men, they said the fact I hadn't dated for so long (18 years) made me a walking red flag and they had no interest in me.

Then, at one singles party, there was a man who also waited while he was a full-time single dad and we talked about our decisions and he said it was a mistake. He should have been dating while raising his children. He should have been living a life, too. Now here he was, approaching 50 with little dating experience.

@PumpkinKlNG Yeah my mum means well but can be guilty of old fashioned thinking. She told me she worries that my son doesn’t have an example of how to be a man other than his (useless) dad.

I’m not worried about that. I can teach my son how to be a good person, and that’s what matters.
I just sort of roll my eyes and carry on.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders that’s really interesting and a fair point I guess a lot of people will see it as off putting.

Mumoblue Oh that’s fair enough I have wondered about the myself the whole male role model thing I did ask on the single parents board hoping to be reassured that it’s not necessary (as like I said mine don’t see their dad at all) but pretty much everyone said it was extremely important for children which wasn’t what I was hoping to hear.

Very newly separated and soon to be divorced. We have an 18 month old. My ex is a party animal who takes drugs regularly and surrounds himself with people who are single and childless, he will be dating again immediately.

I am not jealous of that lifestyle in the slightest
I’m focusing on healing my heart, keeping physically healthy and mentally strong for as long as it takes, rebuilding my friendships that I didn’t have time for during being a new mum and dealing with my relationship. I am happy being single. In a few months or years, I will definitely be open to a new partner. We all deserve love.

The part I am dreading is the coparenting with this man

Yes I very happily stayed single from 2002 til now. After 7 years of being single I was asked on a date by a man I knew. We had 2 dates & then I decided that it was too much for me to handle. 7 years after that I was asked out by another man I know. Again 2 dates later I knew I still wasn’t ready lol. It’s only now that im considering dating again. My children are now 19 & 23.

You just have to do what feels best for you, everyones situation is different.
Don't compare, just focus on you.