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Original poster

That moment you want to save your poison ex's new victim

59 replies

Humblpi · 21/08/2021 17:56

Aw.

My ex was a horrific, using manipulator. He stole my youth, left me destitute and discarded me.

He prides himself on his interesting, saintly online presence which doesn't match his real life situation when you live it with him. Thats what lured me in, and he's snared himself another victim. I still have to see the guy due to sharing a child.

Thing is, she seems really nice! She's a LOT like me (puke) and i think if it werent for me needing to keep as muchhhhhhh distance as possible between me and him, we'd be friends.

I soooo want to hold her hand, look deep into her eyes and say 'girl, save yourself!' ...but i know i cant :(

Just needed to get that off my chest! And if you are reading this and have met a silver-tongued 40yr old man who SEEMS to have an interesting outdoorsy adventurous life and makes you feel understood and adored, who APPARENTLY dotes on his darling DD, who has swept you off your feet and wants you to move in with him after meeting 6 times and likely tells you about his crazy, unreasonable ex wife - run! He doesnt own the house and doesnt pay for it, everything is a charade, he'll bleed you dry and crush your soul! x

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 21/08/2021 23:01

She has already moved in from overseas?

After meeting him 6 times?

Bloody hell. She's not a great decision maker.

Not much you can do.

Original poster
Humblpi · 21/08/2021 23:11

Not yet, he was informing me it was "highly likely", so it could just be him getting gleeful thinking his BS worked and crowing to me? I dunno how sane she is - we'll see!

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 21/08/2021 23:20

Yeah I get it my ex loves to create drama loves to crow about girlfriends "our house" this and "our house" that he has OPP other peoples property she buys him new phones because his last ex harassed him on his last one (he gave her the number and tormented her) she helped him get a new car (his ex paid for the last one and cancelled the insurance when he left) he is now apparently "getting a job" he thinks he won't have to pay much child support because she has a daughter he lives in lala land tells lies and won't get found out this time because he has left the area

I really want him to get found out

Original poster
Humblpi · 21/08/2021 23:26

I cant believe how many of these cocklodgers there are cat!

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 21/08/2021 23:31

Yup but WE are the crazy ones right?

Original poster
Humblpi · 21/08/2021 23:39

Yup - i would love to have a laugh at what he tells her about me Grin

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 21/08/2021 23:50

@Humblpi

Yup - i would love to have a laugh at what he tells her about me Grin
I did with the last i literally face timed her at one point he was texting her begging her to help him as apparently I was beating him up demanding we get back together and that he tell her it was over for good he was sobbing and crying because they were soul mates and evil me was destroying it because I wanted more children out of him (he has had the snip) i was telling him (allegedly) that he gets back with me or never sees the children again...the children he chose not to see during a pandemic and the children he told her I was having removed by social workers because I was living with a paedophile neither of which was true in reality im a single parent no social worker no paedophile boyfriend

It was bizarre the things she believed about me

Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 00:01

Bloody hell, wow!!!! I'm gobsmacked Shock

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 22/08/2021 01:05

@Humblpi

Bloody hell, wow!!!! I'm gobsmacked Shock
I was too so I facetimed her to show her we absolutely were not together it was hilarious I could here the beeps on her end of him sending messages she screenshot some for me too best thing of all he was already with his latest girlfriend he just wanted to twist the knife on his ex (who has a few issues) he just didn't think I could talk her down because he instructed me not to talk to her and I disobeyed him he really doesn't think I will do that
Pinkbonbon · 22/08/2021 01:48

Tbf she is in danger. I'd rather a broken jaw than a broken soul.

Facebook link her to this mumsnet post maybe?
Honestly I'd just tell her. He hates you anyway right? Well, fuck him.

Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 05:59

I just dont think its right at the moment pink, i'm sure she'll be in that loved-up phase (unless HE is deluded and rushing, def a possibility), and he'll have told her i'm batshit, anything i ssy will just back that up if i get involved. I'll see how it goes, certainly if it does all go ahead and gets to the soulbreaking stage at least she will have me as an ally, i'll make that known.

OP posts:
Backtoblack1 · 22/08/2021 07:33

The saggy balls comment reminded me exactly of my narcissistic ex. Yuck! 🤣

Onthemaintrunkline · 22/08/2021 07:51

Hi, you’re quite right, whatever you do/say will be used against you. He’d be telling her you still wanted him!! You may have a chance at some stage to help this new lamb, but it’s not yet or now.

Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 08:13

She should read this: www.psychopathfree.com/articles/the-manipulators-6-steps-to-idealization.241/

I've bookmarked it for future - so true! I can see that he has very coldly selected her - no kids for 'competiton', move her away from friends and family and familiarity into the literal isolation of his location, an affluent area with low employment so you are dependent on him. He would never, ever in a million years move for any of us - the love is not real, he doesnt know what it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 08:14

I dont mean financially dependent on him, he keeps you poor and takes what you have so you have less escape options!

OP posts:
SnatchCassidy · 22/08/2021 08:43

@Humblpi

This is through him - he's a secretive bastard, likes to think he's cleverer than everyone else and keep things from me so he only told me because he had to, he must be fairly certain she has/will take the bait and move in - she'll be moving from another country Confused. He wanted me and her to meet before she meets our daughter, he is doing Dad of the Year atm to impress her i think. I simply felt i was being manipulated again - so what if i like her or not? Is he going to call off the relationship if i dont Hmm what does it have to do with me? I feel like he's trying to whip me up to do something 'crazy' maybe. So, i'm keeping out of it and won't go out of my way to meet her before DD does. But, i did facebook stalk obviously and she looks lovely, similar interests to me. Thats how he's got her i think, she's fallen for all the things i did. He moved me in very quickly after a whirlwind romance too. Ironically, the lifestyle he enjoys now is at my expense!!

I'd like to kick him in his bizarrely saggy balls Grin

Sorry but I need to hear more about the bizarrely saggy balls. Please elaborate lol
SnatchCassidy · 22/08/2021 08:45

@Backtoblack1

The saggy balls comment reminded me exactly of my narcissistic ex. Yuck! 🤣
You too? What is it about MN and exes with saggy balls? 🤣
HollowTalk · 22/08/2021 08:54

Why don't you get a friend of yours to approach her and suggest she has a chat?

Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 08:56

They are just...really, really saggy. He's so lazy, his laziness is his main motivation, and its like he literally cant be bothered to hold his own balls up 🤷‍♀️ in the idealisation phase i overlooked it, but now the mental image of him grunting on top of you and those saggy balls mobilising themselves from their slumber to, y'know...it helps keep me away 🤣

OP posts:
Idontknowwhat2 · 22/08/2021 09:13

Try to find a way to anonymously warn her. Set up a Facebook profile in another name to contact her? If she's moving from another country it sounds pretty life changing for her.

It's kind of you to warn her and tbh you can be manipulated at any age. At 39 she may have more life experience but then so has he refined and perfected his manipulation techniques as he's got older!

EarringsandLipstick · 22/08/2021 09:27

I think an anonymous letter/ email is the way to go. Just warning her to be vigilant if nothing else

This, and the entire thread, is nuts.

I had a very abusive H. 8 years later, I'm still dealing with the emotional and financial abuse I went through. Counselling is finally helping, as I felt totally broken.

We have 3 DC, and he's continued the abuse through them. My eldest doesn't see him at all, and he does as he pleases with the younger 2. Sees them when it suits. Has no practical role in their lives, it's a fun dad stuff.

He twists everything, is undependable & takes pleasure in letting me & kids down.

However he is in a relationship for several years now, with someone I know a bit. They are happy out, it would seem - they don't live together but are very involved. I've no doubt that I'm made to sound completely deranged, and he the victim. In terms of their relationship, all is wonderful, my guess is there are no expectations or pressure on him, she seems to mother him, and seems able to wilfully ignore his lack of engagement with the DC (I'm sure he portrays it as my fault in some way).

So while I 100% know what he's like, and no way has he changed, she's happy with this version.

I cough not warn her or get involved, even if I wanted to.

It's none of my business, would not be listened to, and anyway, is apparently not needed.

The idea that you would get involved in your ex's new relationship, because of how she looks (similar to you) & the speed of their relationship is really odd & in no way ok.

He is free to do what he wants, as is she. She is too. You have no way of knowing how this relationship will go, if she will experience the same situation. Of course he hasn't changed, so it's likely but is none of your business

I know my ex hasn't changed. He has put me through hell in our marriage & 8 years since. However, the dynamic of this relationship works for him. He instead continues to try & exercise emotional control over me, for who knows what reason. All that works is to ignore him as much as possible & have no expectations and not rely on him.

SnatchCassidy · 22/08/2021 12:41

@Humblpi

They are just...really, really saggy. He's so lazy, his laziness is his main motivation, and its like he literally cant be bothered to hold his own balls up 🤷‍♀️ in the idealisation phase i overlooked it, but now the mental image of him grunting on top of you and those saggy balls mobilising themselves from their slumber to, y'know...it helps keep me away 🤣
Ok, well in that case can't you just pm her a picture of the saggy balls? That should do it lol
Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 14:32

Scuse me earrings, it clearly says in my first post i will not be doing anything, i came here to vent. She doesnt just look like me, she is LIKE me too from the looks of her profile. I have repeatedly said i will not be getting involved, and i wish HER well. HE can fall still down a well tho.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 14:32

Still fall*

OP posts:
Original poster
Humblpi · 22/08/2021 14:33

Snatch - i dont have a picture of his balls (thank christ) and i'm sure as hell not going to set about getting one now 🤣 maybe an artists impression? 🤔

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