I understand this is a site for woman so I was hoping for some feedback from some woman who may have had similar experiences and/or any advice about this kind of relationship. I have no females around me to ask for advice, so failing that I've turned here for some.
My uncle has been in an online relationship now for 8 years but I have some concerns. These have been raised to a higher level as I will try my best to explain.
So first off She has NEVER bothered to visit him in those 8 years
He has visited her 5 Times...so she is actually real, I've seen an spoke to her.
She is a gambler. A drinker, likes hard liquor
She has still not divorced her previous husband for whatever reason. Or if she has it is only recently as you will see below, but in all the time they have been a "couple" she has been married, I suppose this is no longer the case as she has recently said that they ought to get married online.
There is so much about this that seems shady to me.
As I said she is real, I've seen her on zoom, Skype and said hello and he's been to see her. But right from the get go I'd always had my suspicions. She has always tried to paint herself as this “naive and ditsy” good Christian woman from Florida, she is an American, from Texas but now living in Florida. I just never bought it on account of her drinking, gambling and calling people the n word on that poker game that is on Facebook. That is where they first met.
So I'd of thought that any woman would either like, move on if after 5 years for an example, if their partner had not made some kind of indication early on that he/they wanted to get married.
She says she is 52 years old so like is that normal, for a woman to be comfortable in relationship that has been going nowhere for the last 8 years then all of a sudden want to get married...online That's right, ONLINE. When I heard that I said nothing but red flags and alarm bells ringing
Their relationship is like this and has been for YEARS, they get on poker at like 12:00am GMT and my uncle will spend up to 2hrs playing poker with her, but what I am concerned here is the lack of conversation, it literally consists of them telling one another their cards so either of them can win. That's it. No deep meaningful conversations, its always the same. “ohh I'm tired lets just play cards” and so it is the same night after night all week. This made me concerned too, they have zero interests they share, as well as holding completely opposite ideas and beliefs about most things, these are fine I guess...but really he cannot tell me one thing they actually have a common love/interest in other than playing online poker.
My uncle is an ex drinker, he's off the stuff years now but as I said she loves to get "wasted" I don't mean she likes a drink now an then, no, smashes it every weekend at her friends house on whiskey and other spirits. Another thing. The 1st, 2nd and 3rd times he went to visit she went out of her way to NOT introduce ANY of her friends to him. I thought that was weird, so he ended up staying on his own for three months each time while she went to work all day
Her son...shady guy. Arrested and locked up for drugs, doesn't work and has loads of money, as in cash, which he often has wads of he carries on his person. They both argue a lot, I'm not sure what over but from what I hear when things get heated my uncle is always saying about respect or her lack thereof.
She is always "in-between" jobs, can never seem to hold one for more than a few months before being fired, then comes cap in hand...I need money for rent, or gas, or to pay this guy for this services, a new wheel for the car. Always something. I'm not sure how much he has send over the years but If I was to guess it be close to if not more than £1,000 pounds
Recently I lost both my grandparents, they died within two years of each other, so that would be my uncles mum and dad. I thought that a partner might like send some flowers or a sympathy card? but no, nothing of the sort. She never appeared concerned or asked how he was doing you know like mentally as his mum/gran was dying. I know all this because I'm in the next room and hear everything that said or not said in this particular case
I've never come out and said hey I don't like your GF, but what has caused me to worry more than ever before and reach out now is the timing of her "marriage idea" Like I said, she may have only been recently divorced and now is looking to marry my uncle ONLINE. I googled it, I cannot find a legitimate looking website that says it is legal. At least in my country it is NOT and not recognized by the state or law or church.There are many types of marriage from what I see, civil partnership, religious partnership. She is working now and a marriage would see her get a $24,800 deduction on her taxes where she to be married, so given this plus her love for money which is evident from the gambling poker she plays all the time. Like her chip count is up in the billions.
I really don't want to bash my uncle here but He says he's madly in love with her, I'm not one to say this is not true. He loves to tell people how clever and aware he is of what's going on around him but cannot see all these red flags. I fear he has been in some sort of scam or something... but then he's been to see her more than once, so I'm asking myself “what the hell is this?”, worth nothing that on every visit sex or any kind of fooling around was/is always a no-no. Kissing yes, but anything more than it is not on. Not even over Skype like ya know, talking dirty I know some women may find that uncomfortable but initially in the beginning he said she didn't mind.
My uncle is desperate to not die alone, and he would go ahead and do something like this with zero thought of the responsibility that will come from being married and god forbid getting divorced, the money she is to gain from it from the government and they additional benefits and any subsequent ongoing payments from a divorce would benefit her and ruin my uncle both financially and emotionally. So I really could use some advice. So with all that, sorry it was long, but does any of it seem normal behavior in a relationship or from people who love one another? Thankful for any and all advice comments or thoughts about how I might bring this up to him.
Thank you.