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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Told my mother that my partner of 12 years is bisexual

5 replies

noirchatsdeux · 21/08/2021 16:02

Basically what the title of this thread says....me, female, 53, my partner, male, 50...been together for 12 years. Not an open relationship, I fully trust him to be faithful, I expect the same in this relationship as I would if he was hetero. He's never given me the slightest moment of doubt.

My mother - 80 soon, narcissistic parent, Catholic, voted 'no' in the referendum in Oz for gay weddings...so not a LGBT 'ally' by any means. Even though her best friends for about 5 years was a gay man...I've deliberately not told her about my partner because frankly I didn't want the judgement.

Last night I rang her and we got talking about my father. He left her for OW 32 years ago. She's as bitter as hell, I've posted on here numerous times about it. Last night she decided to drop the 'I think your father was actually gay' bombshell on me. My father cheated on her - with women - the whole of their 23 year marriage. He's been married to the OW for nearly 30 years....frankly the idea of him being gay is so unlikely it's laughable. I have no idea where she got that idea from, apart from a very short work friendship he had with a gay colleague nearly 50 years ago...

Anyway I was so pissed off (and a bit pissed, I'd had a drink) that I told her my partner was bisexual...next day and I'm REALLY regretting it. Especially as she automatically assumed that meant he was out shagging men. So bloody insulting to both me and my partner. My partner has never met my mother and is not likely to. I ring her on average once a month as it's all my mental health can cope with.

How the hell should I deal with the conversations going forward now I've stupidly told her the truth?

OP posts:
noirchatsdeux · 21/08/2021 16:03

I should add that I'm in the UK and my mother is in Oz.

OP posts:
AnneKipankitoo · 21/08/2021 16:05

Believes in monogamy. ( one partner , you )

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2021 16:08

Just refuse to discuss it further. If she persists, say goodbye.

custardbear · 21/08/2021 16:13

I'd probably just tell her you told her to shock her and stop her prattling on about rubbish. How would glue DP feel if he knew you'd told her or is he not bothered?

noirchatsdeux · 21/08/2021 17:01

@custardbear He's told me numerous times he's not bothered either way. He's not out to his own parents but that's because his father is very homophobic. Sad, really. Everyone else in his life know.

I'm angry at myself as well, for feeling upset at telling the truth. For actually caring about what my mother thinks when she's never extended the same courtesy to me...

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