I met a man from a dating site and we chatted over text and a few phone calls for about 2 weeks. He was a bit intense from the start, telling me about his childhood and the fact that he was abused by his family and is now NC with them. We had agreed to meet up this weekend but a few days ago, we had a disagreement that escalated very quickly.
It started when he used a word in conversation that is offensive. It’s a slur used against disabled people and as a close member of my family is disabled, I respectfully said I was uncomfortable with it. He isn’t from this country so I thought it was the language barrier. I expected him to just say OK and move on but he took this very personally. He began arguing over text, accusing me of thinking I could tell adults what to say and said I was over sensitive. I stopped talking to him and he texted an hour later telling me I was petty and creating unnecessary drama.
When I explained that I wasn’t sure this would work out because of his reaction, he left me a long voice note. In it, he said I take myself way too seriously, I’m dysfunctional and single for a reason. He then said he could accept the negative traits of my character and that unlike me, he isn’t ruthless and tries to fix people rather than turn his back on them (like me).
Yesterday, he messaged to ask if we could still meet as he still really likes me and feels that this was all a misunderstanding. He wants to put it behind him as he doesn’t think that what he said was that bad. He tried to use his bad childhood as an excuse, saying that he can’t deal with being accused or rejected and that he needs someone who loves and understands him as he is ‘damaged’. He seems to think things will be different if we meet in person.
I’m not going to meet him. This situation ruined my week and I still feel upset about it. I feel like this man completely over reacted and criticised me unfairly. I’ve deleted the dating apps as this experience has put me off meeting men I don’t know. I feel so disappointed, as I was getting on well with him before this and he seemed to be nice. Is this something that happens a lot with OLD because I don’t seem to have good experiences.