Anyone else with alcoholic DP

[PromisingYoungWoman]

Will try and keep this as brief as possible. Been with DP 4 years, have a 9month old baby together and I've an older DS from previous relationship. I developed health issues during the pregnancy which are ongoing and affect quality of life (TMD). Due to these issues I'm only planning on going back to work on a part time basis. Both DP and I have good jobs, but as he works more hours he obviously earns more. He has issues with alcohol and is basically a functioning alcoholic. He can be nasty and argumentative when drinking and has said some incredibly hurtful things in the past and has also threatened on occasion to end the relationship which would mean I would have to find somewhere else to live (he owns the house). I feel as if he doesn't even like me at times and resents me for being unwell. I do the majority of childcare and housework (which I don't mind as he works long hours), but he feels I don't do enough. I dont think he understands how much the health issues gets me down. I'm frequently walking on eggshells when he's drinking and always afraid to say the wrong thing in case it provokes an argument in which he ends things. I know I will be told to LTB but realistically I can't due to the health issues as there are times I need him to take over watching DD for me. I genuinely don't think he realises how bad his behaviour is at times but he definitely seems to lack empathy/the ability to see other peoples POV. He can be incredibly kind and caring at times as well as a good dad to DD and DSS. I don't want to make him out to be a monster and I appreciate there has been a lot of changes in his life too recently, but his moods and power imbalance really gets me down. Not looking for advice on what to do but rather stories from others who have been in similar situations.

There is usually one way such situations go - downwards.

Why are you making such excuses for him?. Stop trying to defend the inexcusable here from him to you. If a friend was telling you all this what would your response be?. Your children and you need to be well away from this man who is both abusive and an alcoholic. All you're doing by being there is enabling him to abuse you and in turn your kids who are seeing all this at first hand, particularly your eldest. How can this man be at all capable of watching over a child?. He's not and when is he ever fully sober to look after his DD and for that matter your DS?. How is it this man is in your life in the first place?. All this man cares about is drink and where the next drink is going to come from. You and these children are not on his priority list and never have been.

Re the health issues you have, those in itself are not reasons to be staying with him. He is not going to make you feel physically better and remaining with him will simply further trash yours and your kids own mental health and wellbeing. Read more about the characteristics of adult children of alcoholics if you do not believe me.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.
Is this really the role model of a relationship you want to be showing them?. Your reasons for staying are dirt poor to say the least; how can you call this man a good dad to either child when he is an abusive drunkard?. You're afraid of him for good reason. He is angry because he is abusive, not because he is angry. And alcohol also acts as a depressant.

Good dads as well do not ever abuse the mother of their child. Did you grow up seeing a heavily drinking parent too?. Would you want either of these children to grow up being in an abusive relationship like this?. No you would not want this for them.

Do you really want this man to raise you DCs?

I am sorry you are going through this op.
Living with an alcoholic is a nightmare. Can you get to an Al Anon meeting? You will get help and support there from people who have experienced what you are going through.
There will be details of meetings local to you on their website.