Posting on behalf of my bereft friend. His daughter lashed out at him out of the blue and said he's never stood up for her and if he continues not to she will cut him out. She then proceeded to give him two examples.
Ex1) his father died recently, his mother made all the arrangements. He and daughter went with his mother to visit intended burial site the day before the funeral and go through all the arrangements with the rest of the family. On the the way back daughter insists she wants to do something at the funeral which his mother declined to do previously due to her and father's own beliefs (not related to religion). Daughter persists with the topic and her voice rises each time the request is declined. Finally, mother said to her you are giving me anxiety which i can't deal with now and the funeral tomorrow, daughter persists. Mother then says, if you insist on your topic at the funeral, then would you like to me uninvite you to the funeral. His mother is a soft and politely spoken lady always. Daughter is an adult btw, and calls-out father should have stood up for her. Father and one other relative in the car at the time feel that daughter's timing of raising the topic, raised voice and insistent despite being explained of reason why not, it is the daughter was at fault.
Ex 2) daughter and her brother (friend's son) are discussing a matter that it needs to be done urgently and both on mobiles trying to figure out how to do it. Both somewhat annoyed and under pressure. Father and one other at the table all looking up the information at this time. At some point the siblings start to be annoyed and brother tells daughter to shut up. She then says to father, you wanted an example of when you should stand up for me, this is a good example. Father responds he did not hear what was said as he was also looking up urgent matter. Daughters response is "well isn't that convenient - anyway he just asked me to shut up for no reason aren't you going to say something". Father responds that as he did not hear what was said until they discuss the matter he is not in a position to determine. Her brother reminds her that they tell each other to shut up and worse all the time.
Friend is struggling how to deal with this, firstly that it is out of the blue in a relationship that was a very good one up until then. Secondly, the only two examples she would share with him are not exactly situations where he feels he needed to stand up for her. To add to this confusion, on another occasion, at a time in between the two examples, daughter and X have words and as X was at fault, father asks X to apologise to daughter which X does. Two days later daughter will not speak to X or most of the others around at the time or when she did is curt. She demands another apology from X and makes several incorrect statements about the incident which father and X correct which daughter refuses to accept. She continues to accuse each of categoric untruths. X nevertheless apologises again. At this point the rude, shouty adult daughter hugs X and turns extremely happy and chatty with everyone. Which friend says is more disturbing to him.
Any ideas on how he could deal with this situation and what the situation may be?