I think my ILs have been possessed!

[Spinxsta]

DH has had a tricky relationship with his parents from an early age. Nothing overtly abusive. They're not "emotional types" so he feels he didn't receive much support or affection throughout his life. They're fairly controlling and wanted their children to follow the same lifestyle and hold the same values at them. They've said some quite nasty things, offered lots of criticism, and openly criticise their children's spouses & ways we/they raise our/their children. They're openly annoyed that their children all moved out of area and got white-collar-middle-class type jobs... that sort of thing.

There was a huge breakdown in their relationship after we had our 1st child and they weren't happy about our surname choice! Things have muddled on in a strained fashion. They became openly hostile to me and I stopped seeing them or engaging with them.

In recent months, DH has felt increasing sadness that he doesn't have an emotional connection to his family. So, this week, after lots of discussions, soul searching, and reflection, he called them and explained how he was feeling and how he wanted to move forward.

His parents apologised! Said they regretted the lack of cuddles as children and how their relationships with them have developed. Apologised for creating drama at our child's name and other things they'd said. Told him they were proud of him, love him unconditionally, etc... they made all the right noises!

So, is this the start of a happy ending or have the body snatchers been in? It's brilliant they've said the right things. DH feels much better (just from the feeling that he's now not afraid to have an open discussion with them). I'm vaguely skeptical but keeping my skepticism to myself.

What are people's opinions? Do people who've had a lifetime of emotional detachment suddenly change in older age?

Hi @Spinxsta, sorry I somehow fell off the thread and didn't see your reply.

Do you remember Fluffy? It's almost 6 years since that drama!

I can't believe that was over half a decade ago! I think you stuck in my mind because, while she is nowhere near as bad as your ILs, my MIL does have a tenancy to think things should be done "a certain way" and seems genuinely flummoxed when we (or anyone) make decisions or choices that aren't what she would do. But with the crucial differences that a) my husband has no problem telling her this is what we're doing regardless and b) she never tries to pressure us to change our minds, she's just obviously a bit confused by some things we do.

Has your DH agreed to start counselling before seeing them? Given these are the people who genuinely wanted you to silently hold a baby up to an iPad I'd be very, very wary (they are clearly quite mad) and as PP have suggested would take things Very Slowly Indeed. Does your DH recognise that you're concerned this may all go wrong and hurt him very much, or is he throwing caution to the wind completely?

@Outfoxedbyrabbits half a decade!! ... and he's been able to get a passport and register at school with his illegal name!

DH has been looking into counselling. His work offer a service and we've got private medical that covers counselling if needed. I've told him my concerns and he agrees that he would be vulnerable to the re-entering the FOG. So, he sees the importance of getting some help and advice. I think he was tempted to throw caution to the wind but on reflection he's treading more carefully.