Am I being crazy?

[seberenn]

When I first started dating my partner she went out one night with her friends, and the next day when I tried to see her she broke it off with me.
A few months later we got back together, and about a year after that she told me that she had broken it off with me because she had given some guy a blowjob in the toilet of a bar.
I was/am in love with her and have tried so hard to get past it, and I justified it to myself that at least she had broken it off with me immediately. That was eight years ago and it still shocks me to think of it. I cant get over it bacuase I don't understand it. I want to but I can't. I find it so cheap and sleazy and I cannot reconcile it with how I think of her as a person. I know everybody has different boundaries and norms, and I suppose I'm quite old fashioned or naive, but it makes me doubt my understanding of her as a person. She is not a wild person, and it's such a raw, intimate act, given so thoughtlessly. I just don't get it. Time has not healed.
Am I being crazy?

You've wasted 8 years by not getting over this? You can't reconcile that your partner is exactly who you feel she is, she just happened to do something whilst probably drunk and it probably isn't something she's all that proud of? You know, a mistake. Many of which I'm sure you've made yourself.

8 years and you weren't even exclusively together - get over all t, you're being ridiculous

Ah ye will be grand, don't worry about it... 😂😂

Time has not healed and you have been with her for eight years? Get over yourself

8 yrs ago

It's really not all that "raw and intimate" for a woman, you may see it as that, because you're a man, and you really like blow jobs.

It would be a different story if it was someone's darling partner getting a blow job in a toilet though.
I don't think it would be getting written off as a mistake.

@arcof

It's really not all that "raw and intimate" for a woman, you may see it as that, because you're a man, and you really like blow jobs.

I perhaps was not nuanced or clear enough in my post; In an otherwise very good relationship, this one thing is a hindrance to my full investment in it, for the simple reason that it is something I dont understand about her. Something perhaps analogous would be if your male partner were to commit an act of violence against someone. Perhaps he was drunk, and for many men and perhaps a good few women it might be worthy of nothing more than a shrug, but many people might find it shocking and hard or impossible to understand.

In an otherwise very good relationship, this one thing is a hindrance to my full investment in it, for the simple reason that it is something I dont understand about her.

Are you really so arrogant that you think you're entitled or even capable of understanding everything about her? She's a human being, not a science project.

Something perhaps analogous would be if your male partner were to commit an act of violence against someone.

This is not analogous in any universe. A consensual blow job is in no way an act of violence. FFS. Not comparable in any way whatsoever.

8 years though, and you weren't together at the time - you need to get over it or move on.

Would you prefer choco balsan, a nice if somewhat predictable chocolate digestive - Mcvities mind, not generic or a weird biscotoff one that's very popular at the moment?
It's my first one and you've made a bit of an effort so you choose.

@seberenn
I perhaps was not nuanced or clear enough in my post; In an otherwise very good relationship, this one thing is a hindrance to my full investment in it, for the simple reason that it is something I dont understand about her.
Something perhaps analogous would be if your male partner were to commit an act of violence against someone. Perhaps he was drunk, and for many men and perhaps a good few women it might be worthy of nothing more than a shrug, but many people might find it shocking and hard or impossible to understand.

Grow up Op ffs
What's violence & consensual Bj's got in common?
I'll give you a hint..
F**k all!