The freedom programme

[Rosewaterblossom]

Hello,

I came out of a toxic relationship a couple of months ago after 5 years together. Before that I was in a year long abusive relationship..

I've decided I want to work on myself and get a healthier mindset with stronger boundaries as I feel shame on myself that I allowed myself to be treated the way I was.

My friend has recommended the freedom programme and I have looked it up and emailed the relevant person.

My question is, did doing the programme change you, as in did it stop you going into any future toxic relationships and instead find a healthy one?

I really want to change my pattern to stop history repeating itself.

I think it's a great step, but not a silver bullet, iyswim.

We're all kind of works in progress. Sometimes you think you've got a handle on things and then you realise you haven't travelled as far as you thought.

Definitely worth doing, but it's not the end of the road.

It has good and bad. It helped me realise just how afraid I still was even after all those years (that was a good thing but long story), it also gave me a space where I could relate to other women. I shared a small thing that my ex did and to hear the room call him out is something I will cherish and carry with me for ever. It was generally light hearted and I actually looked forward to it apart from the sexual abuse week where the tone changed quite considerably. We watched the film Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman which really spoke to me as well.

However, there were women there who were doing it for the fourth time and it was very difficult hearing situations that were ongoing and also were physical (mine was never overtly physical and the fact that he never hit me stopped me from acknowledging what he did do to me and it's still a raw thing to me and can quickly push me back into denial). It was a very valuable part of my journey but it mostly focused on abusers and society so there's not much in terms of personal exploration which is what I sought through trauma therapy i.e where does my lack of boundaries come from, how can I improve my assertiveness etc.

Thank you. It sounds like a good learning experience to move forward but I still need to work further on myself to enforce those boundaries I may learn..

It won't stop you so much as teaching you to spot the red flags earlier on, and make an informed decision. And its actually safer to leave early, before an abuser gets too invested in controlling you.