I don’t feel listened too.

[Soyouthought]

I don’t talk endlessly. I would say our interaction is 70/30 him taking and me listening to work/parent/hobby from him. Married for 20 years and I just don’t feel listened too at all. He looks at his phone or walks out mid conversation. Turns everything back to him. I have lovely lively conversations with friends and colleagues so think I am vaguely interesting. I have asked him why he does it and he will say ‘well you had finished’ it’s bullshit. I’m literally half way through a word snd he will stand up of pick up his phone. Can I get this across to him or is this my life if I stay.

Try doing the same to him.

He sounds like a narcissistic, self absorbed wanker tbh. I'm curious, does he do it to other people?

Do you ever find yourself rushing to finish what you are saying because he is onviousoybwaiting to speak AGAIN (as if you are just the adverts and he is the actual tv show).

*obviously waiting

Yes that’s exactly how I feel. And I can see his eyes going to his phone waiting for me to finish. Just bloody sick of it.

Oh the irony!!!!

To answer your question, yes, this is your life if you stay. He doesn't care. You shouldn't have to get it across to him. If he cared he would listen.

My partner is EXACTLY the same. As soon as I start speaking he picks up his phone & starts reading websites / texting. When I say things he says the exact same thing I’ve just said as it were his idea (clearly having not heard me even when we’re face to face). He doesn’t respect me or any pert of me. In other aspects of my life my convos are littered with laughs, agreeing, ease. He’s eroded my sense of worth over the past 18months with this bullshit and tonight I finally brought it up with him in a beer garden. I was weeping with frustration & hurt. He didn’t see my point at all, didn’t apologise. I just had to leave and come home alone.

Luckily we don’t have kids together although we know each others kids & live by eachother. It’s agony, but I know I neee to end things for my own long-term self-respect.

OP- I really, really, really feel for you as I know how utterly undermining and eroding this behaviour cam be. It must be more difficult for you as he’s your spouse, but I’m sending you strength and hopefully the strength and solidarity to address this one way or the other. Could counselling together be an option to air your feelings of hurt?

Good luck 💐

Sorry for my typos, I’m upset and typing on my tiny phone 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Soyouthought and @MuckyPlucky You would be so much happier living without these people. It sounds absolutely soul destroying. You both sound really great and interesting and funny. If your partners can't appreciate that then they need to be dumped.

@HollowTalk thank you. I don’t feel like you describe any more. And I’d not be surprised if @Soyouthought doesn’t either. The insidious drip-drip erodes you like water on limestone. Until you can’t remember where the strong rock once proudly stood.

Life is too short both of you. We could all be in another lockdown in a couple of months. Who knows!?! Is this the man you want to spend it with? Make your plans to go and do it!