I’m a shell of who I was, is it too late to turn it around? Anyone managed this?

[Thanksdas]

I’ve become very insecure over the last few months. Nothing DP has done, it’s the fact I’ve been working at home, not seeing people much, lost interest in my hobbies, work been tricky etc etc. I’ve just felt shit and had no routine or eaten well and while I think I look the same on the outside, I’ve become a bit of a shell of who I was.

I’m always waiting to hear from DP. I don’t say I want reassurance but I definitely give that impression. I’m clingy and like to speak a lot and when he’s not replied to a text I’m checking it all the time. It’s really unlike who I was, these things wouldn’t even cross my mind…maybe as a one off but not daily.

I fear I’ve ruined the relationship a bit by being like this. Has anyone managed to sort themselves out while being in a relationship and it made things better with your partner? I know he used to have huge respect for me and I’m not sure he does in the same way anymore.

Sounds like you've lost your way a little bit. In the short term try the STOPP technique to make yourself aware of what you're doing and to change your perspective.

Can you restart your hobbies now? And improve your diet? Unfortunately there's no magic pill or anything an outsider can say to change your situation - the impetus has to come from you because you want things to change (although medication and/or therapy can help if you need outside intervention).

Can you think of something you've always wanted to do, but never had the confidence or nerve? I've taken up open water swimming (strong swimmer but always nervous of water I can't touch or see the bottom of) and it's been amazing for my confidence! Something you can really call your own. I think you get into a cycle of 'can't' ( I certainly did!) and each time you don't do something it just emphasises your inability. So if you get yourself out to do something you'd normally be wary of, you can break the mind set. It could be anything - outdoor swimming, holding a snake at the zoo, going on a zip line, going on a day trip by yourself etc. I now regularly go to the cinema by myself whereas I was too nervous to before (though people would look at me) and it's on of my favourite things. I love a lone day trip with the dog. I used to wait for DH to have time off so we could visit a NT property, now I hope in the car before work (I work late shifts) and take the dog and go on adventures.

*thought people would look at me- they don't!!

@Thanksdas u sound very depressed to me tbh id go and have a chat with ur doctory about counselling and/or medication..has ur oh given u any reason to feel clinghy (since u said its been a sudden change) or do u think its lockdown after effects. Ive been feeling similiar recently and i joined a fitness class it does help with ur confidence to think wow i can do sumthin by myself. Not tryin to sound judgey btw life sometimes life drags us down and its hard to not cling to ur one save haven x

Seconding what Keladry said, start by doing one or two things - buy a whole bunch of nice fruit in the weekly shop, and go and visit a local site of interest and take some photos - and work up from there.
Perhaps sign up for a challenge like this to encourage you to get out? www.theconqueror.events/all-challenges/
Start learning a language on DuoLingo?

Look, everyone has low points, I think the fact you recognized it and are looking to turn it around means you should be able to. Just think how different you will feel after three weeks of doing a few new things every day.

Big love to you. I think a lot of people feel like they have lost themselves in this past year.

One thing that screams from your post… you’re focused on what your DP thinks/how your relationship is. You are a whole person outside of that. What did you used to enjoy outside of the relationship?