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Relationships

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Original poster

Is 1 hour's travel long distance?

27 replies

Withgasoliiiiine · 19/08/2021 15:50

I have been chatting to a really nice sounding man online in the town I am moving to. It's quite a small town so I have also searched in the biggest nearby cities.

He lives about an hour away from my new house both by car and public transport. Good, regular links, late trains and buses etc.

He asked me how I felt about long distance.

Is that long distance?! I think my ideas are a bit skewed as I have had several LDRs in the past (I want to avoid this again as I want a family etc), and also because I live in a really big city where an hour's travel to see a friend or date is quite unremarkable.

Would most people see an hour's travel as an issue? If I'm honest, OLD in my new town is pretty dead. Just wondering if I'm setting myself up to fail again if I meet this guy!

OP posts:

wobblywinelover · 19/08/2021 15:55

Whatever your thoughts on it, he obviously thinks it's long distance if he's said so, in which case i'd not pursue it. To me I think it would be a cut off point 1 hr drive, and wouldn't go any further, but everyone has their own limits

PlanDeRaccordement · 19/08/2021 16:01

No I don’t think it is long distance. I disagree with above though to just not continue just because he thinks it is based on his experiences. That seems a really petty reason to me and you could be passing up on a really good person. It doesn’t really matter as distance has a grayscale effect on how often you see a boyfriend/girlfriend. Closer = more often. But more often doesn’t always mean a better partner. And the what is or isn’t long distance definition is a minor issue. Being 1hr away means you’ll see them as often as you would regardless of whether they think it is long distance or not.

Original poster

Withgasoliiiiine · 19/08/2021 16:01

Yeah, I think for me an hour is the cut off (I have not always had this boundary). Anything after that starts to become medium/ long distance and it's a question of who moves where etc if things progress, and I'm a bit stuck in the smaller place for the next few years.

OP posts:

OnceTheyDid · 19/08/2021 16:25

I live in North London and DP in East London. Usually takes an hour.

So no, not long distance at all.

LawnFever · 19/08/2021 16:29

I don’t think an hour is long distance at all, it can take that amount of time for me to get from one side of my city to the other!

Considering you haven’t even met him yet I wouldn’t jump to any big decisions just yet, when are you going to meet him?

PickAChew · 19/08/2021 16:35

Hardly but I can guarantee you'd be doing more travelling to see each other than he would. Some people rarely venture more than a few miles from home.

BornToBeWilde · 19/08/2021 16:36

For the first few dates you can meet in the middle, then it's just 30 minutes away.

Original poster

Withgasoliiiiine · 19/08/2021 17:46

Hopefully meeting him in the next week or so after I move. I'm not really overthinking it regarding him as such. It's more of a lightbulb 'hang on! Is this why my relationships haven't worked out?' moment, in that as I mention, I've almost always been with people where theres been a distance barrier of some sort (not always just a simple case of travel times). I'm trying to avoid that for the future but wondered if my idea of 'reasonably close' by bore no relation to anyone else's!

OP posts:

Purplepeople12 · 19/08/2021 17:54

I'm 1 hour 40 away from my partner, we've been doing this for 6.5 years so far, 1 night a week during the working week and every weekend Friday to Sunday with the children and Friday - Monday without. We leave the others house at 6am to get back for our respective jobs on the Monday. He comes to me every Wednesday night as I have my children in the week, whereas he shares his daughter 50/50. It works well for us, although now the youngest 2 children are getting older we will be looking into moving in together somewhere halfway soon

Short answer I don't consider it long distaNce- sorry for the waffly answer!

category12 · 19/08/2021 17:56

I'd be a bit worried that he sees it as long distance.

To me it's not a lot because my daily commute is more than that, sadly.

It's all relative tho, isn't it? If he sees it as a big deal and a lot of effort, then you might end up finding yourself doing more of the travelling or struggling to get to see him.

Scarby9 · 19/08/2021 17:59

My commute is an hour each way. So for me, no, that's not long distance.

Goodthings · 19/08/2021 18:00

It would be too far for me if it was motorway driving. I know it sounds weird but driving across town in traffic for an hour would feel less. Also it wouldn’t take so long in the evening.

Onelifeonly · 19/08/2021 18:06

No I don't think that's long distance. Before we married, my DH lived over an hour's drive from me (I hour 20 I think). I owned my own place in a big city whereas he lived with his parents in a village so he usually travelled to see me - every weekend and one evening in the week for several years.

mumjustmum · 19/08/2021 18:43

I wouldn't call that long distance at all. Shorter than many commutes.
When I first met my now husband though, he thought 45mins was too far for us to date... despite him commuting constantly for work. I later found out he was sleeping with other women who'd 'commute' to him.

SarahBellam · 19/08/2021 18:46

Loads of people commute to work in places an hour or more away from where they live. I live about an hour away from my DP and it’s never bothered me. If it bothers him then it might be a problem - not least as he’s the sort of person who thinks an hour away is long distance.

WaterIsBest · 19/08/2021 18:49

You could both live in London only afew miles apart and it take more than an hour to get there

SunshineCake · 19/08/2021 18:51

When dh and I first met it took 2.5 hours door to door, all on public transport. We saw each other once in the week then at the weekends. For us it was worth the effort. We moved in with me after just under two years iirc as his new job was nearer my flat than his.

DerAlteMann · 19/08/2021 20:15

No. That's my daily commute.

sunnyzweibrucken · 19/08/2021 22:43

I don't really see an hour as long distance. I dated someone that was about that far away from me and when I didn't have my DD I would travel to see him a couple times a week. Usually we met up on weekends when she was with me. And by the time I headed his way it would be evening so traffic wasnt an issue.

mstroutpout · 19/08/2021 22:52

I feel like it would be too far for me... but I don't drive and public transport is bad here. So if you drive and/or public transport is good then I don't think it's sooo bad.

It could be a good barometer actually because I think sometimes I go on too many dates with a person because they're close by and it's easy where as id sack someone off straight away if I had to make an effort to get to them

SleepingStandingUp · 19/08/2021 22:58

I think it's the edge of ok, but def meant for me that i tended to go to my bfs for the weekend rather than just popping over for a few hours

seensome · 19/08/2021 22:59

Maybe he already has an hour long commute and doesn't want to spend the same amount of time travelling to someone as well or a non driver.
Maybe you have to travel to him more if it's a problem. It's a bit of a pain to have someone an hour away as your less likely to be able to just pop round in an evening and scale it down to once or twice a week, I'm doing the same but I do wish we lived closer sometimes.

Xztop · 20/08/2021 07:51

I dont think it's too far but I have a car. I think if I had to get public transport it would be annoying but not a no go!

Velcropaws · 20/08/2021 07:59

Maybe he was just being thoughtful and called it "long distance" to show his appreciation of your willingness to travel to see him?

Tbh op, I know you said you don't want another LDR, but if the relationship works, you will both make it work.

Original poster

Withgasoliiiiine · 20/08/2021 08:11

Yeah did say he was happy about it himself so was possibly just checking that I didn't see it as a bigger problem than he does before meeting. He's travelled a lot etc and doesn't seem to be the type who barely leaves a 5 mile radius so hopefully things go well! I think he might have just been using 'long distance' as a catch- all term for 'not in the same town'. Either way, as I say, not invested in him yet or anything, I'm doing ongoing work on my boundaries and things, it just made me think!!

OP posts:

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