Trip down memory lane

[Fallingagain9]

My partner and i have been together 6 years. And while we love each other the relationship has become same old routine. Having 5 kids does that however. I have come to realise she made way more effort than me and when it wasn’t reciprocated her efforts become less and less. She became less attracted to me and thus we had less sex. And me trying to have sex with her was the same things. I stopped seducing her and instead taking her for granted and expecting her to just have sex with me. And then instead of actually dealing with the issue became insecure, over thought and over complicated what i now realise i can fix with some effort. I have also began working on myself recently, joined a gym and started a new hobby. Getting out a bit more so we can miss one another again.

This is my first date plan in which i will try and do often. Want to make new memories with her while also reminding her of old. And why i fell in love with her and why she is special to me. I also may or may not propose to her it depends whether i think i can top this. And i will decide while there.

Basically i am going to take her to the area we lived around where we had firsts or just great memories. We met at a wedding so i am going to take her to the venue where we first met and take a picnic to have somewhere on the grounds. Then just have a walk and talk around the place and take her to the place where we had our first kiss. Then to the crappy pub i took her too where we had our first date. ( we still laugh where i took her, i know how to treat a lady lol) then we will go for some food nothing fancy something we both enjoy. Then back to the hotel for the night. Then the next day i plan to take her on the walk where i first began falling for her and tell her exactly why i talk her there and how it was when i first began to fall for her. Then i will take her to the place where i first told her i loved her. It was at her old house so i will ask her if she remembers why I brought her there (hopefully she does.) then i will take her to the cafe nearby where we both love the mac n cheese and chips. Then i plan to just take her on another walk maybe on the beach or something. Then for the final day ill take her to the random village i took her to in the middle of nowhere where we got lost, covered in shit, got chased by a bull, she couldn’t get over the fence so i had to lift her over. Then it started pissing down and i took the opportunity to kiss her and we made love right there covered in shit in the pissing rain. It was hands down the best date i have ever had. It cemented the love we felt for one another and it made a great memory. Now I understand that the second time won’t ever live up to the first but its about reminding her and myself why we will fell in love. Hopefully she appreciates it. What do you guys think?

Sounds lovely to me: you have come up with an idea of your own, and it's pretty romantic.

You can't bank on her appreciating it, though - e.g. on the day she might be knackered from looking after 5 kids and just not be in the mood for that particuar romantic gesture. Or she might remember the excitement and compare it unfavourably wih the present as she's feeling down. So make sure not to go in expecting praise, and if it doesn't work the first time, make sure not to react with disappointment. Listen to her feedback .

Engagement rings are what you give to make someone happy, not as a final resource when you're trying to get them to do something, so be very careful with that.

You have 5 kids and think you getting out of the house more with your new hobbies is a plan to make her miss you. Really? So while she's running around after the 5 kids on her own, she'll be missing you? Have you thought about her having hobby time outside the home while you sort the 5 kids out alone??

And I'm all for big romantic gestures, but they are NOT a uick fix sticking plaster for a relationship where one partner hasn't been making an effort for years. I'd prefer a change in attitude long term rather than big temporary gestures. Equal share of chores, pulling weight with the dc, daily affection without expecting sex, small regular gestures off appreciation etc.

Have you actually asked her what might help? What SHE would appreciate?

@Thingsdogetbetter
This is wise advice

I have a marriage full of resentment and being under appreciated and guess what if my husband did what you posted (all be it a nice idea) I'd be thinking I'd rather you did the food shop or I'd rather you book a Dentisit appointment or find the kids bloody class room and pick them up for once.

Maybe give your wife time to "do her" and see if she misses you when she's got a life away from 5 kids

Is she happy to let you plan this whole trip away and go along with the things you’ve decided on? Have you discussed that aspect? I think what you have planned sounds kind of nice but a bit overkill by day 3 it might get exhausting.

Also..it’s nice to take a trip down memory lane but it shouldn’t all be about ‘oh look how much we had passion when we first met and had no responsibility.’ Things have changed. And also taking her places you had mad passionate sex could feel like pressure to her if you’ve been expecting her to just have sex with you. Plus, it might just remind her of what has been lost.

However, we don’t know your partner she might love it. I would say though that deciding to propose to her during this grand gesture weekend may not go as well as hoped for if you have been rocky lately.

And yea…does she get time to herself to do activities she wants to do? It all sounds very much about you.

I am not convinced. Here is an idea. Take the 5 children out for the whole day. When you get back, clean the house from top to bottom. Launder every piece clothing laying in the wash basket. Cook a meal from scratch which everybody will enjoy. Clean up after the meal. Get the 5 kids into their beds on your own.
Bring a nice treat out of the fridge and serve it to her in bed where you will make sure she gets an uninterupted nights sleep.