Marriage counselling with Relate

[PurpleHaze287]

Has anyone had experience of using Relate for marriage counselling. Did you have success?

Ex and I had marriage counselling with Relate and they were totally useless, also quite expensive. They failed to see or acknowledge any of our problems because we were polite and middle class, the counsellor thought we were a sweet couple,

We separated weeks after completing the counselling.

Me too: I got rid of him after . It didn’t help.

Depends what you mean by success. Sometimes the successful outcome is helping you to navigate the decision and conversations about ending the relationship.

Wasn’t impressed
She totally missed that he was abusive !

We are trying relate this week, not sure that it'll be successful, using it more as an indicator of how H sees our relationship.

Did you sign up for it OP?

There was some good advice on another thread about having a look at BACP for a more suitable councillor - if H engages but we don't like the councillor. I wish I'd looked at that rather than just going straight for the big brand option.

I went once with my now ex and it was appalling. The "counsellor" listened for about half an hour and then gave us her advice that we should separate! We did, but I wonder whether either of us really wanted to, or whether her sticking her oar in made things so much worse. Giving advice is one of the first things trainee counsellors are told NOT to do, so I am not sure that she had any training or experience but we were young and trusted in a 'professional'.

My experience of relate are poor. The counsellor they gave us, on discovering that my exH had had an affair, advised me that I should give him space to grieve the end of that relationship.

Fuck that.

We found an independent counsellor. We still ended up splitting up, but at least my feelings weren't trodden into the ground by some dimwit counsellor minimising my feelings with her stupid advice.

We had an excellent experience with a great counsellor. She helped us communicate better with each other and saved our marriage.

Appalling. I went because DH was being nightmare and mot communicating at all. She refused to listen to a word we said, blamed me - with a pointy finger- and when DH said 'Kate is always v kind, I have mental health problems from my abusive childhood' she told him I was manipulative and making him believe this. We left after 20mins. I reported her. Madness.

We had a good experience but we sought help very early, so our marriage was struggling but we were not on the brink of separation or anything like that. We didn't need many sessions (maybe 8?) but it was enough to help us break our cycle of arguing and improve our communication.

We've just finished approx 6months of counselling. Things are now miles better and everyone is happier. It definitely helped us communicate better and to see the other's point of view. For context, I should add that my husband also did some counselling separately by himself as he was suffering from depression.
But would highly recommend Relate.

Yes. Been married 8 years and went to Relate after a year and again recently. A lot of our issues we went through both times are due to some psychological damage I have from childhood. I have honestly found that Relate has been some of the best therapy I have ever had and the sessions saved our marriage.

My ex and I went to Relate for two separate lots of counselling. Since having my own individual counselling both during and after my divorce, I can now see that the counsellors weren't very good. They also didn't recognise that my ex was emotionally abusive.

I'd look for an independent relationship counsellor.

Not marriage counselling, but I approached Relate prior to marriage because of issues with my SD. In summary, I was assured by the counsellor that this was very common and would settle down once we were married, and that advice was a major factor in my deciding to go ahead at that point.

Eighteen years later SD, now married with DC, is still unremittingly hostile to me and defended at all times by DH.

Thanks for your replies. I thought I'd give them a go so we have a session booked next week. It is going to be a virtual one over Zoom though. Think I will have a look at BACP too incase the session isn't very good.

Let us know how it goes @PurpleHaze287 - fingers crossed

Yes, absolutely, keep us posted. Really hoping you find it helpful.

I had an awful experience with them.

The counsellor had way too many opinions and really upset DP (and me by extension) and we never went back. Did stay together though so perhaps it was all a ploy!!

Another friend also had a bad experience with them - they failed to see she was being lovebombed and encouraged her to engage in a really toxic relationship. It was devastating to watch and because of their “support” and encouragement she was entangled for a lot longer than I think she would have been.

Really interested to see how many negative experiences there are here… I wonder why?!

I had a negative experience and have thought of reporting her to Relate.

What was wrong was how she very quickly made judgements about us, about what kind of people we were, about what kind of man she thought my STBXH was, and she minimising his cheating.

A major issue l had at the time was not being listened to and my feelings not being validated. She just made me feel ten times worse and STBXH felt justified in his behaviour and so he continued not to listen to me.

We had about 4 sessions and then l called time. However it did make me realise l needed individual counsel on my own first to sort out my own feelings without having my H sitting next to me ( had to for Zoom)

One thing l thought was very poor was that on no occasion did Relate follow up on our experience with any kind of feedback form or evaluation process.

@NaToth

Not marriage counselling, but I approached Relate prior to marriage because of issues with my SD. In summary, I was assured by the counsellor that this was very common and would settle down once we were married, and that advice was a major factor in my deciding to go ahead at that point.

Eighteen years later SD, now married with DC, is still unremittingly hostile to me and defended at all times by DH.

SD?

I've tried Relate twice (once per husband ), without any particular outcome. A bit of an issue is the huge brand means a big range of skill and experience without being able to choose. I think now I would look for an individual relationship specialist.

My current bf spent a year in Relate with his ex-wife and by the end they were really good friends who could agree to divorce amicably. I'm really impressed with the outcome though I think it helps that they're both very nice people.