Relationship breakdown

[Chaz0x]

Hi :) I know I need to talk with my partner and I will do. I've been struggling for a while so please no negative comments. Me and my partner have been together for 8 years... have one child together and had been on and off from when DS turned 1 years old. He moved in with us and we've been fine since. We are currently renting and he wanted to buy a house so we have jist got our mortgage approved. However, now im worried im making a mistake. Im currently in a council house which im so grateful for. Im worried if we give the house up and me and ds have to move out then I won't be in a secure house. Our relationship was fine for the past few years but since the beginning of covid my partner has become a very very strict Christian. To the point where we have to abstain from any form of intimacy until marriage. Which is kind of fine I guess... but hes always reading the bible or attending meetings. The whole week and he goes to church twice in one day now on Sundays. He even wants to start traveling to preach. I've tried to make it work with him but we are both so different. Anyway... im wondering if anyone has any advice on what will happen if I pull out the mortgage before we've signed and exchanged contracts. Would he still get the house? (I want him to as this is what he wants and hes worked so hard to buy a house i dont want to ruin this for him if I leave) I know this is a huge post, I just dojt know where to turn from here. Thank you if you read this far.

OP,

Please listen to your gut which is warning you to not do this.

I understand that it may feel difficult to do but do not give up your security in your home.

This is your sons home.

I would be deeply concerned about your partner's sudden religious fevour.

Your son needs his mother to make his security an absolute priority.

Do NOT give up your home.

You have too much to lose.

He'll presumably need to be assessed for a mortgage on his own. But that's a good thing!

He may want to change his plans anyway when you split up, if marriage and a home with you isn't on the cards. He may want to go travelling for his vocation for instance. Or buy a smaller home that suits this stage of his life better.

It makes more sense to split before getting the house.

I wouldn't give up your secure council tenancy.

I think he might just be using you to get the house.

Seems very weird way of going about things, given you already have a child together - but he wants to buy a house and be celibate living together, rather than marrying?

Plus his life is going off in a very different direction to yours.

I would pull out and keep your home & security.

You need to put your ds' security ahead of "ruining things" for a grown adult man.

Woah! Do NOT give up your home. If he's so bent on no sex til marriage, are you actually engaged?

The only way to protect yourself and your son if you cohabit is to marry first. But I wouldn't marry him. Not on your life.

If you are not working, then the mortgage offer will have been approved on his salary. He would need to reapply but almost certainly would be approved.

If you Google "mortgage approval calculator UK" you can enter his salary as a single person, and check if he still meets the criteria.

However if youre working and it's been approved on joint salaries, he may have to set his sights on a less expensive place.

You cannot tie yourself to a religious extremist who has had an on off relationship with you and is now withholding sex, on the basis that he wants a house! He can buy something cheaper, or wait a couple of years and increase his earnings. Or he can just rent forever like a massive proportion of the population.

He sounds nuts! Definitely don’t give up your house!

Thank you all for your replies. I should add.. His parents bought him up as a Christian and I knew they did when we got together but he was never really into it. Until covid struck and I guess he got scared into it and is now a 'born again Christian' so its not completely out of the blue and he is a good man. Cant do enough for us both but I just feel like we're so different now and I kind of resent him for making me wait to have another child until we are married as we've already had one anyway. He has always spoken about marriage but never proposed as of yet. As soon as he 'changed' he said we should get married so that we arent doing anything hes not supposed to do outside of marriage. I was fine with this because I have waited for years LOL just never happened so far ajd now im thinking like you all say.. not to risk it

If it's a joint application and you pull out he won't get the mortgage. If the mortgage application is just in his name go ahead and pull out.

Even if he loses out on the house, don't stress, he can apply for a sole mortgage.

Wow his sounds difficult. If your income was included in the mortgage app you pulling out may well mean he doesn’t get the mortgage. However it sounds like you should 100% pull out of the purchase and stay in your council place until you are certain about the stability of your relationship.

Sounds like he’s changed a lot in the last year. Just because he has changed his lifestyle doesn’t mean you have to go along with it too.

To be honest I find the no sex before marriage, when you already have a child, a little laughable.

Please listen very carefully to what others have said, do not at any cost give up your home. Your partner is going off on a very different path and looking at preaching and travelling. I know it will be hard but keep your security, keep your lovely child in a stable home and move on by yourself if you feel you can.

I write as someone 6 weeks post breakup. I have two kids. I own a house with my ex- worse thing I ever done. Trying to work out all the legalities, solicitor involved. Absolute mess. I can't afford rent anyway without UC which aren't accepted, can't afford to buy anywhere else, not a priority for social housing. My advicr- keep hold of your council house and trust your instincts x

You are on different paths.

Your loyalty is to your child.

Keep the house.

End of.

Let him off to buy a house but hold on to yours.

Your child has so much to lose if you do this.