Pregnant by abusive ex

[Justmyblimminluck]

I don't really know how to start this so here I go...

My ex was arrested last week for assaulting me after I found out he had been using escorts and is being charged with ABH. It had happened before about 5 years ago and I thought he had grown out of it, although now looking back on things I can see I was always walking on eggshells, he'd binge drink and be nasty or would threaten me with calling ss on me or saying he would sleep with other people if I didn't agree with his every word or didn't want to have sex, so not great.

We have 2 kids together and there is noway I will ever go back (he punched me in the face in front of them and split my eye open) because I will not let them learn this is how people behave in relationships.

I have spoken to lovely women from a few places and and being moved nearer to my family for support.

Now here's the spanner in the works, I'm pregnant.

We kind of knew, me and him, as I was late and he even mentioned it 10 minutes before he decided to attack me but have only just taken the test which confirms it.

I am at a loss what to do. I obviously haven't told him, he isn't allowed to contact me, I don't want to speak to him especially since he has pleaded not guilty showing zero remorse for what he has done.

I'm not afraid to do it alone, he was never really much help with the others unless he had an audience and I have my family to help now I'm moving back closer to them.

On the other hand I don't want to have to deal with what a shit I know he will be once he finds out.

I'm just at a loss what to do, it feels like so much to process at once. I'm trying to just keep up appearances and carry on as much as normal for my other 2 as I can't imagine what they must be feeling having to witness what they did (both upper primary school age so they will unfortunately remember this).

I don't know what I want, I just feel like I've been dealt a really shitty hand

You have plenty of time to decide what's right for you. You've only just had it confirmed and there's so much going on right now it must be really difficult to think straight.

Are you financially in a position to raise 3 children? Do you think you could manage a newborn as a LP? Presumably you don't know what'll happen in terms of contact yet - id imagine it'll be a while before any court would allow him to see any of the children.

It's your choice and you don't have to tell him anything. Personally I couldn't knowingly bring another child into these circumstances. This is your opportunity to have a fresh start away from this man.

In your situation I'd prioritise my two existing children. They have experienced a traumatic event and things will be disrupted for them for a while. Their stability and security is key.

Sorry you are going through this.

Do you want another child?
Do you want to have to deal with him for the next 18+ years? That's what this means in reality.

If you want to have the child, then have it, but know this abusive arsehole well have a hold over you for a very long time, so you have to be very sure you want this.

Your not married? You literally don't have to tell him he cant prove it just dont claim csa off him use third parties if he gets contact with the other two children

Thabks for all the replies I didn't expect them to come so quickly.

No were not married thank fook so that makes thing a little easier. And I've always been the breadwinner and have a decent paying job so not too worried on the financial side of things.

And I've kind of known I was pregnant for the past couple weeks, I just had that feeling, and was pretty happy and excited about it until all this kicked off hence the not knowing what to do.

I have had a termination before, I was caring for my mum who had cancer and the youngest was still a baby, so know what to expect but I honestly didn't cope very well with it.

I'll have to have a long think about it, feeling pretty sorry for myself right now.

@venusandmars

In your situation I'd prioritise my two existing children. They have experienced a traumatic event and things will be disrupted for them for a while. Their stability and security is key.

Sorry you are going through this.

This.

You poor woman and your poor children.

Give your two existing children your time and energy to move on from what happened and try and minimise the damage to them.

Op, I am so sorry that you are going through this shitty situation.

Take a bit of time. Understandably, your head is going to be all over the place. For a few days (at least) just concentrate on eating, sleeping and loving your kids. Kero things really simple and look after yourself like you do your kids. Give yourself time to think and breathe and reflect. This is your decision alone, take your time over it and do what is right for you and your other kids. No instant rush - you have been through hell.

What I would say is that if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy then this arehe of a man will have more of a hold over you for longer. Not the only factor, but this would be a big one for me.

So many typos. Sorry.
keep things simple. And I intended to refer to him as an arsehole, amongst many other things.

Asshole seems pretty tame to me tbh.

So sorry you're going through, it's so shitty and you don't deserve it

Yeah, there are a few more words I would use too.

In your position, I would terminate.