Whatever I say he just doesn’t get why I broke up with him

[Lolabray]

I left my partner a few weeks ago

We had been together 3 years

There were 2 main issues which I kept telling him were issues, no changes were made and the issues kept reappearing.

I wanted to try clear the air in case we bump into each other. I don’t want any bad blood.

So I text to wish him well and said I couldn’t continue like the way we were (I have explained why about 20 times) and his reply was that it was a cop out, he is going through a lot of stuff (family) and I am not there, how can I love support someone and not support them, he loves me so much. he hopes he doesn’t see me.

My intention was to try keep things nice but I feel maybe I have made things worse.

He then said he misses me, to which I replied maybe so but it doesn’t sort anything or change anything.

What I’m trying to say is it v hard when you love someone but things just haven’t worked (on both sides) and boundaries crossed to the point where you can’t continue. 😳

I had a v similar situation last year. After a year together (not living together) I respectfully broke up with him & outlined my reasons (no fault of his, but I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore, for various reasons around compatibility, as was was my right).
He was appalled, indignant and kept hounding me, desperate for “answers”. Being too nice, I kept getting drawn back into the dialogue about why, and telling him we needed a clean break (ha, the irony!) and trying to get him to understand he needed to respect my decision & boundaries. This only stirred him up more. I had months of emails, texts, WhatsApp’s, comments on my friends’ Strava pages, texts to my elderly parents etc etc despite telling him to desist & blocking him. Each time, he’d find a way round it. My kids spotted him driving past my house a few times (despite living in a different city).
I KEPT responding telling him (politely but firmly) to back off and get some support to deal with things.

Looking back, this only perpetuated his behaviour as he’d use it as a ‘hook’ to engage in increasingly nasty dialogue with me. I should never have tried to remain on good terms with him. I shouldn’t have tried to get him to see my POV, as it didn’t matter if he ended up hating me or not. I should’ve grey-rocked him. In the kind of person who doesn’t like people to think badly of me/misunderstand me, so this meant I kept engaging to ‘clear things up’ waaaaay after I should’ve told the swine to fuck off & ignored the emails he was sliding into my junk folder.

Yup, they know. They just want us stuck on the merry go round of trying to make them understand. So that we dint realise the truth. That they do understand their behaviour is hurtful. They just dont care.

[quote Lolabray]@Pinkbonbon I actually thought until your post that he wasn’t listening .. but yes I think he understands loud and clear .. thanks x[/quote]
Oh OP, of course he understands! He's understood the whole way through your relationship - as @Pinkbonbon says, the problem isn't that YOU haven't explained correctly, and if only you could find the magical right words all would be fine and dandy, the problem is that HE doesn't care.

He didn't respect your boundaries in your relationship, why on earth would you expect him to suddenly start respecting your boundaries when you ended it? That's not who he is, and there's nothing you can do to change that

@Pinkbonbon and when someone over steps the mark and doesn’t respect boundaries then I’m sorry I’m done

He doesn't get it because he's never considered anybody's needs except his

Exactly this. It suits him not to see your point OP, because this way he can keep pretending he’s some kind of victim.

I don’t understand why you continued to communicate with him. That’s very unfair while it’s feeling so raw.

@Lolabray

Because there are children on both sides . I don’t want bad blood. It ended in a screaming argument. We live near to each other. I’m trying to move on in peace and don’t wish ill of people / vice versa

@ MrsSkylerWhite for the reasons above

I needed this thread today, recently broke up with my DP after he hurt me repeatedly and I want to message him in the hope he’ll suddenly say he has changed and wants to come back.

Love the analogy of the wound and it needs to be kept clean not prodded.

to you OP

@singleandlooking Glad that analogy has been useful to you. Keep taking care of yourself and with time things will get better for you.