Is this a weird thing to happen during sex?

[huffandpuffing]

NC for this as I'm embarrassed. I'm a regular poster.

Been with DW 11 years, we're gay. Good marriage, healthy sex life.

We were DTD, nothing out of the ordinary and I was getting quite into it when she suddenly burst out laughing. I was obviously like 'what? What's wrong?' She just carried on laughing, properly had the giggles so I kind of laughed too. When she recovered herself she said 'you weren't half huffing and puffing then' then carried on laughing.

I probably was, but isn't that normal in the throes of passion??

It made me feel really embarrassed and paranoid.

Don't think I can bring it up with her as it will just remind her and make her laugh again.

Am I over thinking this or is that weird?

What sounds unpleasant about it is that whatever you were doing, she definitely wasn't lost in the moment with you - and not only was she not, but she was detached enough to be mocking and cruel of you. It's actually quite nasty of her.

Why are you frightened of her getting the ick when surely you are the one who should be getting it?

She sounds incredibly childish and rude. Waking you up like that is horrendous. Treating you like that during sex is awful.

For example once I was asleep and she came right up to my face and yelled 'BOO' to wake me up. Doesn't happen often but it's annoying

Cruel and downright weird to be honest.

Fs awful lot of drama over nothing. You were making weird noises, it was funny, she laughed. If that makes you feel insecure with a longterm partner then either she has form for making you feel insecure OR you have some serious issues to work through. Because on it's own, it shouldnt be an indicator of anything other than her feeling really comfortable with you. And that's a good thing.

That's totally cruel. Not sure I could ever have sex again with someone who said and did that to me. I would be too self conscious.

Going close to your face and shouting Boo!! to wake you up isn't childish it's fucking horrible!

I would never forgive someone who did that to me!

After 11 yrs she's obviously heard you make noises during sex before. I'd say there's something else going on with her. Yes, maybe she is getting the ick but it would certainly give me the ick about her! I don't think I could relax and be intimate again.

@huffandpuffing

Thank you for the responses, glad people don't think I'm overreacting.

She doesn't mock me but has a bit of a childish sense of humour. For example once I was asleep and she came right up to my face and yelled 'BOO' to wake me up. Doesn't happen often but it's annoying.

I'm paranoid now that I give her the ick

If she did that to some people they would get such a fright they would lash out and hit her as an instinctive response.

The boo thing shouldn't be happening at all.

@flowerbus

I don’t think you’re overreacting, like you say- huffing and puffing is normal considering the situation.

Maybe she was worried you'd blow the house down

I told her after the 'boo' incident if she wakes me up like that again I'm divorcing her. She found it even more hilarious that I was so upset by it but hasn't done it again.

Haven't spoken about her laughing at me during sex. Don't know how to bring it up without it being a big issue.

She is usually lovely, so it all feels a bit weird and wrong.

I think you need to address this sooner rather than later before it really becomes something that you can’t get over and reaches the point that you can’t bring yourself to have sex at all .

OP it is a big issue.

laughing together about funny dtd noises is one thing, being laughed at while you're lost in the moment - something else entirely.

I agree it IS a big issue. It would take a long time for me to ever want to do it with her again.

...so that happened and you can't bring it up because you know she would belittle/minimise it. That's not a great state of affairs. You can't bury this and pretend you didn't mind!

She doesn't sound very lovely

I talked to DW about it last night, said her laughing made me feel humiliated. She was horrified and very apologetic and said she would never have wanted to make me feel embarrassed. She said she just got the giggles and couldn't help it.

Thank you to those who said I should talk to her, glad I brought it up. Still don't feel like DTD with her but hopefully that will change soon.

That's the best response you could have hoped for, well done for plucking up the courage. Let's hope she can also be reassuring so you can begin to feel like dtd again, let's face it, we're vulnerable when we trust someone and if that's damaged it can be tricky to get it back, easier if partner helps though.

@PieceOfString

That's the best response you could have hoped for, well done for plucking up the courage. Let's hope she can also be reassuring so you can begin to feel like dtd again, let's face it, we're vulnerable when we trust someone and if that's damaged it can be tricky to get it back, easier if partner helps though.

Yes indeed, a very good outcome. You should discuss your sex life regularly, even if there is nothing much to say. It should be as easy to discuss sex as it is to discuss who will cook dinner or unload the dishwasher - so if and when there are issues they can be tackled immediately without anyone feeling awkward or embarrassed. A few words such as "I really enjoyed it when you did x" or "I was a bit uncomfortable when you did y" make all the difference.

Hmm couldn’t help it

She needs to be very focused on reassuring you and fixing her fuck up. Not just oh no I’m mortified! She needs to work to make you feel secure again because she broke your trust. I hope she made that clear?