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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Ghosted and blocked

20 replies

lobsterkiller · 18/08/2021 12:02

Could do with some venting to be honest and some MN wisdom. Met a guy in May, we agreed to keep things casual. We are similar ages, early fifties.

We saw each other weekly sometimes a few times a week and whatsapped in between. He started to drop off a bit and I thought, yup maybe we are coming to the end of the line here. I never questioned him/chased him. We had agreed casual and understand that we are both free to change our minds at any point. We never argued or had huge difference of opinions.

I haven't heard from him for a few weeks, so obviously it's over. I've realised that he has now very recently blocked me and I don't know why but it really stings! I assume he has met someone else, that is fine but block me. I can be trusted not to make an arse out of myself.

I suppose I am looking for the proverbial grip from you all. So hit me with it. Thanks.

OP posts:

Saidtoomuch · 18/08/2021 12:05

He is a rude coward to block and ghost, whereas by the nature of your relationship he could have quite easily told you he wanted to call it a day. You deserve and will find better.

Original poster

lobsterkiller · 18/08/2021 12:09

Thank you and yes I will, it's the blocking that stings. I'm like why? For all the times I never contacted you. Did he honestly think I was going to chase him down. I can't help but think you egotistical prick...but yeah it still hurts a bit.

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 18/08/2021 12:09

He's changed his mind, possibly because he was always attached and someone found out. Beware of real reasons why someone wants to keep things casual, they may be feeding you BS and not have innocent reasons as you do.
But anyway, that behaviour towards you says more about him, not a nice man, not respectful, so your better off without him in your life. Just move on to better things and don't give it too much headspace.

Reallybadidea · 18/08/2021 12:10

There's something really horrible about being blocked, but it says more about him than you. To me it feels like the non-verbal equivalent of someone saying 'don't even speak to or contact me again' when you haven't done anything to deserve that level of contempt. He's an arse.

sunnyzweibrucken · 18/08/2021 12:16

Ghosting is so cruel. It’s happened to me a few times and was very devastating. I don’t know why people can’t be adults and just say they aren’t feeling it and move on. At least you don’t sit around and wonder what happened.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/08/2021 12:16

An new introduction to dating has reminded me what utter arseholes men can be
They can be shit communicators
And scared of honest communication

Which leaves you wondering why ? What did I do?

He’s clearly dumped you but is too much of a coward to say ‘I’m not that into this anymore’

Fucking twat that he is

Really annoying

chocolateorangeinhaler · 18/08/2021 12:19

It's over. You both agreed to the rules. What would not blocking you achieve? He's not going to call in six months time to recount the time you had a casual thing going on, or do you want him to?

Don't take offense, there are billions of people in this world. That particular one wasn't right. Examining, going over and trying to remain acquainted has no value at all. Don't even try.

snzow · 18/08/2021 12:20

@lobsterkiller

I think that would be what would annoy me the most.....like he thinks he's so special that your going to go crazy for him and start messaging him constantly, begging to see him.

It almost suggests he thinks you were more into than he was into you and you've not been given the opportunity to show him he wasn't all that after all. What an egotistical arse!!!

You can and will do better

Gilda152 · 18/08/2021 12:22

I have to ask, if you weren't contacting him, how do you know he's blocked you?

Lampan · 18/08/2021 12:56

It’s pathetic as he could have just ended things but as he has blocked you I would block him too, to prevent him popping up again down the line with a shit excuse. Or just do nothing and if he ever gets in touch ignore him

Original poster

lobsterkiller · 18/08/2021 13:16

Thank you all. I really appreciate all of your posts. I won't block back. I do have restraint, he is allowed to change his mind and tap out. I knew it was over and have no intention of going back there. It's done.

Gilda152. I hadn't blocked him he is still on my whatsapp list but picture changed to blanked out. That means blocked?

Opentoofers: if he could have been attached, I don't think so as I had been to his house and stayed over at various times. No signs of cohabitation. I suppose he could have had a partner elsewhere, but I don't think he did? But good to consider.

Well its onwards and upwards. We have all been through worse and it's not like I'm heartbroken just pissed off with the blocking.

OP posts:

Gilda152 · 18/08/2021 13:19

Ah that makes sense. Either that or he's just deleted whatsapp so I wouldn't take it personally. I'll guess we'll never know either way.

Like you say onwards and upwards!!

CorrBlimeyGG · 18/08/2021 13:23

He could have just removed his picture...

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 18/08/2021 13:33

U can set it for only contacts to see your pic so maybe he just deleted. He should've been straight with you though.

Original poster

lobsterkiller · 18/08/2021 14:41

Thank you you all. I doubt he has removed his picture or app. TBH this thread has made me feel better already. It is good to share even if it is about a dickhead. lol.

OP posts:

Lolabray · 18/08/2021 17:34

Sorry to say he’s not interested. There’s someone far better out there waiting to meet you

poppyblossomdaff · 19/08/2021 09:26

I hate all this blocking business. Unless someone is being a nuisance what's the point? He should have had the guts to tell you he was moving on or didn't want to see you again.

I noticed my ex blocked me on WhatsApp after over a year of no contact. WTF? I get the message and have had no desire to contact him.

CookPassBabtridge · 19/08/2021 09:31

When you say you haven't heard from him for a few weeks, did he hear from you? Did you message him and he ignored? Or did both of you go quiet.

Refreshpage · 19/08/2021 09:39

@Saidtoomuch

He is a rude coward to block and ghost, whereas by the nature of your relationship he could have quite easily told you he wanted to call it a day. You deserve and will find better.

This.

The grown up thing for him to do would have been to say the casual relationship has come to an end. He didn't which reflects on him and not you.

It still stings though so give yourself time to process it and then move on to bigger and better things. If he should come crawling back I'd ignore him.

Original poster

lobsterkiller · 19/08/2021 10:19

Thank you again for the comments. I feel really ok today.

Cooks: He usually contacted me, When I contacted him, he took an age to respond so I always kind of left it in his court. As I said, we was pretty casual. It was the blocking rather than tapping out that upset me. I was hardly likely to stalk him based on our interaction.

I doubt he'll come back, but if he did. I won't respond. Doesn't seem any point. This dating malarkey has changed so much since I was younger.

OP posts:

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