Not sure what happened here.

[DoubleEx]

Test

DH and I generally have a good relationship. Been together 10 years and he doesn’t really have any form for being a twat, which is why I’m so confused.

Last night I put something in the normal bin that should’ve gone in recycling. He had a slight go at me about it, asked me if I’d done that before (I hadn’t), told me not to be careless about it, etc. I was like WTF? Told him not to have a go at me about it and I wasn’t in the mood for a row over some plastic.

Later that evening I had a text with some bad news about a family member and I was very upset. DH didn’t comfort me and just sat next to me while I was crying. Once I’d calmed down I asked him why he hadn’t comforted me and he said he was still annoyed with me about the recycling thing.

I can believe he’s being such a prick. I’m not BU am I? It’s really not like him, which is why I’m questioning whether I’m more in the wrong than I thought I was. I feel like if he was genuinely upset about some sad news I wouldn’t let him sit there and cry if I was still annoyed with him about not emptying the bins or something.

This morning he’s being totally normal with me but I feel he owes me an apology. Not sure how to be around him.

If it was me he'd be getting a big slice of cold shoulder. Not saying that's the way to go, but he's a twat, just looking for something to have a go at you for. This sounds like a red herring to me. Has he done something he doesn't want you to know about?

That's disgusting behavior of him. I'd not be behaving normally back, that's for sure. Not without a big apology and explanation for the awful behaviour!

To be fair, almost as soon as I’d posted my OP he came into the bedroom to apologise.

His boss is being a colossal bellend and things are very tense at work right now is his reasoning. He’s been coming home all wound up and taking it out on me and the kids in the form of little digs and general short temper. I’ve told him to sort himself out because he’s being a twat and he took it well, I I give him some credit.

I will warm it up a couple of notches from icy cold shoulder to cool detachment today. He really hurt my feelings.

Approaching this slightly differently to the other posters, since it's out of character I'd be inclined to handle it like an adult in a committed relationship and not be petty and say something like "The recycling thing was an accident and I understand you felt frustrated but I feel like the reaction was a bit strong for the situation and I really needed comfort from you because of the text situation. I just wanted to ask if there is anything else on your mind that may have fuelled that?"

Now obviously he should have comforted you, he knows that too, but he was being stubborn. He doesn't have form for it, it's clearly a mountain out of a molehill, and the advice to ignore him is childish. He's your person, check in with him, if all is fine let it go. We all have bad days and you've had a long, mostly good relationship.

Cross post, but I had a feeling it would be something like that. It doesn't make it right, but we're all human and do that from time to time. I'm glad you got it sorted out!

I appreciate people can flip out over silly things (like the plastic in the bin) when they're stressed. Not justifying that, but we're all human and sometimes don't deal with things as we should. The coldness towards you when you were upset over something serious though, is something different IMO and not at all the same as getting a bit snappy or irritated - it was cruel. I was about to say I'd expect a huge effort on his behalf, but I don't know that wpuld make any difference actually. He wasn't there for you.