Preface: I’m married, nearly 10 years.
Two kids, one with husband one previous relationship. The child with husband has severe complex needs.
I messed up: Basically, he found out that I was posting adult content/nudes/videos on a popular forum app. It started out for my own gratification, it boosted my confidence and made me feel good that people found me attractive. I started speaking 1:1 through Snap to another man who lives in another country, it wasn’t all smut; although some of it was.. mostly it was more a friendship/someone to talk to about shitty things..real life.
Husband found out, he seen the posts, I told him everything and my reasons why.
- he doesn’t find me attractive, has pushed me away intimately and generally speaking for months (I’ve gained weight from autoimmune condition), in fact I basically thinks he stays with me for the kids sake..he admitted this when we spoke after he found this out. It’s simple, I felt like I tried everything with him, spice things up, spoke to him openly but nothing.
- he admitted to things, at a work party he was in a hotel room with a colleague and she tried it on, but he knocked her back
- his done cocaine and smoked weed on nights out
- he doesn’t find me attractive
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Working things through I’ve decided to prove to him that I’m serious and as such I am getting rid of my smartphone when my basic one arrives. However, honestly I do not think this will be enough, I think I’ve probably already caused enough damage.. I feel hurt but obviously not as hurt as him.
I don’t know. He is the breadwinner and has a life outside these four walls, I do not. I’m a carer for my youngest I have no friends and unsupportive family. I have searched on what and how to expect becoming a single mother financially and it’s going to be difficult and mostly I’m really really scared I feel so conflicted I don’t know whether trying to make this work is a waste of time and energy I don’t know 