Concerned about friend

[Zig27]

I went to my friend’s mother’s funeral today. It was so sad as I had got on well with her mom and knew her for many years.

I didn’t know but my friend has been in a relationship for 3 weeks and started it a week after her mother died. She hadn’t seen this guy for over 25 years since school and they had 3 dates during the easing of the lockdown then started a relationship. She said to me that dating him will help get over her mother. She said when she went on the initial dates she said she didn’t think they were compatible.

He is unemployed and kept going out to smoke roll ups at the wake. When he said he was unemployed to someone her sister was smirking at me. My friend is unemployed too. I know it’s not my business but I really am concerned that she won’t grieve properly for her mother and she is jumping into things. He also seemed quite clingy to her at the wake whereas I came a bit later to the wake after the funeral so she could speak to her extended family.

I don’t want to get involved or interfere so how is the best approach.

Well, if you don't want to get involved or interfere (which is the right decision), you do nothing.

The only alternative you have is to have repeated 'crisis talks' about her with other people.which amounts to gossiping.

Be a friend. Be there for her. Say nothing bout how she is choosing to deal with her mother's death.

I’m not sure if you meant to but you have come across as more judgmental about him smoking and being unemployed than concerned for your friend.

You really can’t tell what is or isn’t good for someone when they are so recently bereaved. It may be good for her it may not. If she usually has pretty good judgement in general just be supportive and keep out of her relationship.

@PhoboPhobia It was the sister judging the unemployment, not me. As for the smoking it is clear he gets stressed. That’s the thing, her judgement isn’t the greatest. She never got over her ex after 6 years and would still talk about him. Plus her dates from dating sites have been horrific.

What do you think you should/want to do?

@GreyCarpet

What do you think you should/want to do?

I think the best thing to do is stay out of it. That way I can’t get the blame. I just don’t want her to get hurt but she is old enough to make her own decisions.

You can't control anything about the situation, and it's a very bad idea to give anybody unsolicited advice. With those things said, and the fact that you don't actually want to get involved, what do you think would be the best thing to do? As a friend?

@TheFoundations I think the only thing I can do is be there for her if it goes wrong or if she wants to vent.

[quote Zig27]@TheFoundations I think the only thing I can do is be there for her if it goes wrong or if she wants to vent.[/quote]
That's exactly what I was driving at. It can be really hard to watch people make their own mistakes, sometimes, but it has to be done. One other thing could be to wait a while, and then have a seemingly off the cuff conversation with her about what healthy relationships look and feel like. Not about her relationship, unless she takes the conversation that way. But just to get a feel for where she's at, and give her an opening to talk if she wants to.

But still, it's a watch and wait thing. She'll appreciate your support when she needs it.

Very wise decision, OP!

Good luck