Partner and my family

[Lucyloo1234]

I need help/ advice.

Me and my partner have been together for 6 years, and his step daughter lives with us full time. My family, especially my parents have took her on as if she was my own. We go on days out with my mum and dad, and holiday etc.

When it comes to a family party my partner does not want to come. I go to every family party of his, even extended family. It is my mums party Saturday and after missing many other family parties and almost my nanas funeral he is saying he is not coming. I have expressed how this has made me annoyed and I find it quite disrespectful after everything they do for him but he thinks I am wrong for saying this.
What is others opinions or advice on this ?

Thanks in advance

Is he emotionally stunted/unavailable in other ways? If he doesn't have issues with how your family treat him, I think he's being quite self-centered.

Presumably, its his aughter and your step daughter? Not his step daughter?

Why's he refusing to come? Just because he doesn't want to?

Tell him there are plenty of family events you haven't wanted to attend and he needs to just suck it up.

@tropicalwaterdiver

Presumably, its his aughter and your step daughter? Not his step daughter?

Yes it's his daughter and my step daughter

@girlmom21

Why's he refusing to come? Just because he doesn't want to?

Tell him there are plenty of family events you haven't wanted to attend and he needs to just suck it up.

There is no reason from it for what I know. He said he's just not in the mood to come. I have explained this but he says he's a grown man who can do what he wants, which I am aware of. I just don't know how else to explain it to him.

What would he say if you said you weren't going to his family's parties?

You're behaving as a family - you care for his daughter and your parents are really good to you. He isn't doing the same, is he?

@HollowTalk

What would he say if you said you weren't going to his family's parties?

You're behaving as a family - you care for his daughter and your parents are really good to you. He isn't doing the same, is he?

I'm not sure what he would say if I didn't and I wouldn't want to put him in a situation where I didn't go. I would imagine he wouldn't be happy about it though but he says if I didn't he would understand but I think he's saying that as a way to get me to say it's fine. I find it embarrassing to always keep making excuses as to why he's not come or where he is and I can't even imagine how it makes my parents feel either.

Wow that's really rude. If he's a grown man then surely he can show you and your family the respect you are due and turn up to family events. Unless they are toxic then spending time with your family is part of having a healthy, supportive relationship.

@MamaNewtNewt

Wow that's really rude. If he's a grown man then surely he can show you and your family the respect you are due and turn up to family events. Unless they are toxic then spending time with your family is part of having a healthy, supportive relationship.

No they aren't toxic and if he didn't come they wouldn't say anything to me about it. They do everything to help us out, they have his daughter over night, took her on her first holiday , pay for us to all go away, take her on days out every school holidays and they wouldn't tell me even if they did feel let down. I just find it so disrespectful and don't know how else to express it to him.

He's rude and frankly ungrateful

Is it just parties or large gatherings? Is he ok one on one? If he has a problem with it,.then he should say but he probably doesn't want to because then you'll expect him to do something about it. Otherwise he does sound a little ungrateful.

@Colourmeclear

Is it just parties or large gatherings? Is he ok one on one? If he has a problem with it,.then he should say but he probably doesn't want to because then you'll expect him to do something about it. Otherwise he does sound a little ungrateful.

No it's everything. I struggle to get him to come to their house too when it's just my mum and dad.

I think you should stop going to his side of the family. This is very one sided. See how he likes it. Don't care if it sounds petty, it needs to be done.

@Window1

I think you should stop going to his side of the family. This is very one sided. See how he likes it. Don't care if it sounds petty, it needs to be done.

I would do it but I wouldn't want his family to feel the way it makes me feel when he does it.

I think you need to let this go. He is not in any way obliged to interact with your family, even if they are good to his dd. He's your partner, not the family's partner. You are not obliged to go to his family events either but clearly you choose to do so. As regards your family events all you need to say is he's not coming - you don't have to get into why. I don't agree that he should suck it up and be forced to go. He's clearly not interested in a relationship with them and that's fine imo. I'm sure he doesn't lose sleep over what they think of him so why should you?

He's a selfish shit - I can't believe this is the only area of your relationship where he is so selfish.
The fact that he won't go even for you is really crap and bloody selfish.

I would be unavailable next time he wants me to go to his family do. I would repeat until he got the message. He sounds rude and ungrateful and your parents sound lovely.

Maybe he’s just socially awkward? Do you have couples friendships? Does he have friends he hangs out with? I used to force myself to be sociable, but now tend to just not put myself in the position of being stressed and anxious when having to meet groups of people.