I like him but how do I know if he's still single?

[Maria53]

Can't give specific details as could be outing

I met a guy as part of a group before the pandemic. We would often end up chatting together just the 2 of us & I had a strong sense that the feeling was mutual. But - he never asked me out. Finally I asked him to come as my +1 to an event, he said yes but that was cancelled as it was the same week as lockdown 1.

We kept in touch over the last year but he never asked me out when things were lifted. We've seen each other more lately through our larger group - the connection is still there, he make strong eye contact & stays close to me. I do feel strongly about him, similarly to how I felt about long term ex boyfriend.

So I've asked him to come to a meal and drinks with friends and he has accepted (I haven't told any of these friends how I feel fyi).

But what is giving me pause - I don't know his relationship status. A couple of months ago I noticed a new woman commenting on his social media & I had a feeling there was something there. He mentioned her in passing recently not as a girlfriend or friend but as 'someone I know has a bla bla.'

So I reckon either:

1. he is dating this person
2. he is possibly interested in both of us at this stage

How would you approach this if you were me interested on dating him?

Its not a romantic novel

Sorry Op but this sums it up ..all the "sparkle in his eyes" , and the constantly brushing up against each other, and the gooey feelings. What is this group activity? It's not pottery throwing is it? You're in danger of this just turning into a fantasy that will never live up to the reality.

@SmileyClare I understand what you're saying.

But I just mean this is the kind of chemistry I've had with people I've dated before. It doesn't happen to me often. I'm not asking for a novel but romance would be nice.

Sorry just seen your update Op. Glad you're feeling more confident about dropping this into the conversation!

Some other suggestions to "subtly" ask him :
Do you think you'll ever settle down? Or I've been single for a couple of years now, what about you? Or Does your girlfriend have many hobbies? You don't have a girlfriend? Sorry not sure why I thought you had..haha.

[quote Maria53]@SmileyClare I don't think he's in a relationship. If anything I reckon it would be early stages of dating.

But I care about fidelity so I'd definitely want to know for sure. You've given me some ideas for how to work it into the conversation, which feel I could do and easier than blankly asking if he is dating.[/quote]
Ask what he got up to last week and when he says 'white water rafting' or 'watching the olympics' or 'darts championship', ask him who with. If he doesn't say girlfriend, ask him 'is your gf not interested in white water rafting, then?' etc

I mean, just ASK him. If you're this worried and tied up in knots about this, how would you expect to have a successful relationship? You need to work on your communication, and saying what you want.

I can imagine you being back in 3 months, 'My boyfriend's lovely but he doesn't do it for me in bed', and a string of people all saying 'TELL HIM', and you saying 'Maybe if I draw him a map and send it to him anonymously at work, would that be a good idea? Much easier than actually talking to him....'