I am trying to piece together my last relationship and understand what happened.
When we first met he got very serious, very quickly. Within a matter of weeks he was saying, 'I love you', proposing we live together, telling me I was the one, saying he wouldn't mind if I got pregnant. To be honest it felt too much at the time, but I got swept along in it thinking that maybe this is just what it is like when you meet the love of your life. He would shower me with expensive gifts, compliments and attention.
Then a few weeks in, he opened up about the fact he had an illness in the past where he had nearly died. He spoke of how it had effected him, left him with depression, that sometimes he just wanted to shut out the world and go for days without speaking to people. I was obviously very empathetic for what he had been through. That's when things began to go downhill and we entered a cycle where he would shower me with attention, like described above, then he would go for days / weeks barely messaging me, I would have to chase him, he didn't have the drive to organise any dates or anything exciting. He would criticise me that I wasn't supporting him properly and that's why he wasn't acting the way he did at the beginning of the relationship. He'd say I didn't initiate sex with him enough (although we still had sex every time we were together and I was almost always receptive) and I didn't make him feel good. When I did turn down sex, he would pester me all night, sometimes just starting to have sex with me whilst I was half asleep.
We split up a year ago and I've just met someone else, who acts completely differently to him. No big gestures, declarations, just going along with it and getting to know each other.
What made me consider just how terrible the relationship was, was the fact I was worried to turn down sex with my new boyfriend out of fear he would do what my ex did. It also surprised me when he turned down sex one night when he was tired. He then said to me that, 'of course it is okay to not want sex sometimes.' And it made me realise just what an awful situation I was in.