Would you expose messaging?

[Lostsoul02]

If you found out your dp or dw was messaging another man(one who turns out has a reputation for messaging numerous women over the years, has had police warnings in past, dw knew none of this btw), would you tell the om's dp and how would you do it without mentioning your dp/dw's name as live on same street, have young dcs and trying to work on saving marriage?Dw is remorseful, no excuse but she has had awful year, family illness and losing dm 6 weeks ago, 3 dds, oldest with mh issues,been stressful 18mths. Om and his dp have separate grown up dc. I just want to get rid of him out the street, dont want to move as lived here for many years and hope by telling his dp they will split up and sell the house.

No it’ll come out in the wash eventually

Yes, I'd say something. After I didn't pursue suspicious incidents and later found they had escalated, I'm all for getting everything out in the open. I would now have no hesitation about bringing unsavoury behaviour to light, I think it's fair everyone involved is treated with honesty, and is likely to prevent things going further. The other dw deserves to know what is going on, and the OM should not be enabled in his deceitful behaviour.

I think hoping they'll move because of it is a bit unrealistic though. You can't really make accusations which will be believed without any factual details, maybe the best you can do in order to be believed but not mention your dw is to deliver a printout of those messages to the other dw, with your dw's name blanked out? I do feel like that's a bit of a cop out though. If the messages were inappropriate and she knew it (ie knew he was married) she should own up to her behaviour. That would certainly give the neighbours more incentive to move!

Absolutely tell this man’s partner. If he has been doing this repeatedly then he will do it again. She deserves to know. It’s the right thing to do. Blank your DPs name out of you wish.

It concerns me though that you’re down playing her actions. I say this very gently, I know (from experience) that it’s easy to blame the other person, this man has form BUT your wife was messaging back, an equal participant. Please just watch out and don’t rugsweep her actions, for your own sake.

It's quite likely that this OM's wife knows what he's like (you said he's got form) and is 'living' with it. If your sole reason is hoping that they separate and he leaves the area, then I'd not bother. Surely your DW has cut contact with him and will have likely told him that you know - so no point in making it anonymous anyway?

Why would she believe you?
You don't want to give your wife's name so you'll be anonymously saying he's been messaging someone.
That's very easy to deny.

The police got involved for him messaging women in relationships. Women who were choosing to message him back?

I am betting his wife does know.

You can tell her, but it's a bit hypocritical that you want her to know, who he has been messaging. Only give g her half the story seems unfair.

Not sure it will result in him moving out of the street either.

No, I wouldn't, as if I felt the only way i could trust my partner was to remove the source of temptation, then I'd be better prioritising (or leaving) my own relationship than involving myself in theirs. The chance of your plan working is slim. Going after him might make you feel better as an act of revenge, but if won't undo what's happened in your marriage and just creates more drama. Which you could do without when working on your marriage.

Yes I’d tell her but not anonymously, that’ll be even more of a mind fuck for her, if she had no evidence and he denies and she’ll have the anxiety about who is spreading ‘lies’ about her relationship. She is just as much a victim in this as you.

Your wife is just as much to blame as the neighbour as she knew he was in a relationship too!

You’ll have the added drama of his partner knowing your wife was a willing participant in him trying to cheat on her but that’s the consequences, and even if he moves out, she might not and why should she?

If he's got form what's the point? You know she'll stay with him.
They're not going anywhere.