I have been with my partner for 5 years and lived together owning a house for the last 2 years. He was separated 18 months when I met him and his divorce came through during the first year of our relationship. He has two pre-teen children with his EW. She has remarried and their relationship is civil because of the children.
Whilst my partner and I have spoken about marriage, it is not important to me as I feel as though we are in a committed relationship and own a house together. He has also said he does not want to get married again, therefore until this weekend I have not been unsettled. Casually chatting on Saturday my partner said he thinks of himself as a divorcee and finds it difficult to explain to people the children are not ours and he is no longer with their mum. He most definitely is over their relationship, but obviously still needs to process the divorce and him feeling that he has failed. Their marriage was far from perfect, but in his eyes he made a commitment and you work through issues. It was his EW who after 7 years of marriage said she wanted to end it.
Following on from our chat I am now thinking of some conversations, as you do. He plays Sunday football and just last week when he said one of his team mates gets a hard time from the 'Mrs' for playing, I joked and said 'you don't', meaning I don't moan, to which he replied 'know I don't as I'm divorced'. I know divorce affects people and now my concern is that he is still affected 4 years down the line and does not seem to regard our relationship to be just as important to that of his marriage.