Negging?

[BeachDrifting]

Could someone explain negging to me please. I feel as if this is what my husband is doing. Every conversation we have ends up in an insult or put down or negative slant about me. Last night I went in for a cuddle and ended up having to walk away again. Why does he do this? And how does someone handle this.

From the male chat-up artist playbook.
What starts as a compliment but ends up as a negative.

You're quite pretty, for a larger girl.
You have a good body, for someone your age.

Apparently designed to make women 'compete'.

Negging is nothing but insults designed as compliments and you have to know how to spot it. It is a twisted way of attacking someone’s self-confidence through backhanded comments to make them more receptive to one’s romantic advances. Needless to say, it is a messed up way of making a person reciprocate your advances.
Negging - How To Spot It In Dating And Get Away

www.bonobology.com/negging/

It's like a tidal wave of low level insults designed to undermine your confidence or make you feel you want the abusers approval, usually low level enough to pass of as 'only a joke' and your response as being 'over sensitive'.

These people are cunts.

Not nice

I would point out to him that research indicates that the minimum ratio of positive to negative remarks for a successful marriage is AT LEAST 5:1

(The ratio for business teams is similar)

So when he says a positive then a negative, say to him “Can I have the other four now please? And another couple to cheer me up!”

Also those dreadful Reddit groups spread this as a way of "keeping your woman in check"

If it's new behaviour I would be wondering why.

Anyone who negs is telling you (indirectly of course) that they aren't up for an equal, respectful relationship.

Because it's designed to undermine you, impact your confidence, with the aim of making you desperately want to seek their approval, to try harder to please them.

It's manipulation, it's unkind, it is playing with someone else's feelings to your own advantage.

Every conversation we have ends up in an insult or put down or negative slant about me.

I dont think that's negging (?)

Negging is giving compliments with a twisted, put-down element to them.

You don't sound like you're getting the compliment part!

It's sweet that you've misunderstood negging. Your simple outlook on life is refreshing. You might not pick up on everything happening around you but you're probably a happier person for it. I wish I could be more like you*

What are you getting out of this relationship op? What else is happening?

*typing that felt fucking horrible

No negging is more like "I don't normally like strong noses but yours really suits your face". It's to point out a perceived flaw and then make you feel grateful that they like it about you.

This was my experience of negging:

Years ago I went on a blind date with someone and the first thing he said was ‘you’re actually quite pretty. We just need to sort out your hair’. I replied ‘I like my hair as it is and I think that’s quite a rude comment to someone you’ve never met before’ . He told me I was hard work and he was ‘only joking’. I said I didn’t find it funny and he should apologise. There wasn’t a second date because I left soon after!

Anything with youre x for a y is suss. I'm not funny for a woman. I'm fucking hilarious for a human.

Oh and avoid you're not like other women. Invariably cunts.

He told me I was hard work and he was ‘only joking’

Schrödinger's joke. They see your reaction then decide if they're joking.

Every conversation we have ends up in an insult or put down or negative slant about me.

If that's the case it doesn't matter if it fits any particular label, it's horrible behaviour that would make anyone feel shit, insecure and sad.

You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who is horrible to you.

@MrsTerryPratchett

He told me I was hard work and he was ‘only joking’

Schrödinger's joke. They see your reaction then decide if they're joking.

exactly

‘You’ve put on a bit of weight but it really suits you’.

‘I love the way you dress. Most people couldn’t get away with wearing such garish clothes.’

‘It’s fantastic that your operation was successful and you’re feeling so much better. Once you get rid of the water retention that’s causing your cankles you’ll be back to your old self’.

That’s negging - it’s an insult snapped from the jaws of a compliment. Your husband isn’t begging you. He’s not even bothering to do the compliment but. He’s just being a dick.