We really need to talk about this but I need help approaching it

[bluesilverandgold]

Please be gentle.

I’m really fed up with DP. He’s off work at the moment. I should mention over the weekend he was pretty poorly so I had our ds out for five hours at a farm and the park on Saturday then all day yesterday too while DP was in bed. I’m not disputing for a moment that his illness wasn’t genuine but he didn’t ask after me or ds or thank me for anything … anyway.

So today he’s better. I did have an hour in bed this morning, great. Then took ds out 1030-1230. Then I was in 1230-2, out again 2-330. And DP is arsing around in the garage.

I’m perfectly happy to sit here with ds … but it’s not the point. It’s assumed I’m the default parent. There are so many examples of this.

What I don’t want is the conversation to turn into ‘but if you wanted me to have ds you only had to ask’ which is true

Can anyone help me out?

Rather than “tell him” about it and risk a top trumps parenting scenario, could you just broach it as a “how are we going to plan our day?” Eh: “I need to do this, so if you care for xxxx while I do that, then we can swap over.” Also “at tea time, do you want to cook and I’ll entertain xxx or vice versus?” After tea “do you want to wash up or do bath time?” Would that help? It would also set a blueprint for life going forward 😉

agree with above.

and get yourself a hobby that has you going out regularly so your DH gets to be default parent while you are at yoga / art / choir / etc

I think that’s typical of most men the burden of parenting defaulting to the female. Get a hobby or go to the gym and get out of the house too.